Monday, October 29, 2012

I have the power

As of last Friday, I have lost 20 pounds in 7 weeks.  A normal person would be happy about that - and I am (happy that is, not normal).  But it is sobering to compare that to how much I still need to lose.  BUT THAT IS THE WRONG WAY TO THINK ABOUT IT.  So happy, yes.  20 pounds woo-hoo!!! is fah-reaking awesome.  It's also a lot of work.  I do data entry for any food that isn't in their database already and I track EVERY FREAKING THING.  A couple days ago I stole one tortilla chip off of my kid's plate and you better believe that I tracked one twelfth of a serving of those chips.  Yes. I. Did. 

So I told my husband Dan about hitting the 20 pound mark and you know what he did?  He baked chocolate chip cookies.  Well, first he told me that I was doing a good job.  Then he baked cookies.  Bastard.  I have not eaten even one of those cookies.  I was afraid to even look at them at first.  But last night while I was cooking dinner I noticed how good they smelled.  Then the thought occurred to me that I could enjoy the smell without eating them.  So I leaned over and inhaled deeply.  They smelled pretty damn good.  And I was very proud of myself for not diving in face-first, pie eating contest style. 

So here we are.  I have had small portions of sweets occasionally; I am not completely abstinent.  Mostly fitting them into my goal calorie zone for the day (my birthday being one exception). 

And I decide when I splurge, no one else. 

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Michael Kiwanuka - Bones

Monday, October 22, 2012

Utter Randomness

This weekend at the park, I heard a boy call my son a name (fatty).  Austin didn't hear it.  A few minutes later, that boy wanted to play tag with Austin "because he can't run fast anyway."  I walked over very calmly and told Austin that I didn't think he should play with that boy because he was being mean.  That boy hid from me the rest of the time we were at the park.  But Austin snuck over to talk to the kid, thinking I didn't see, and I didn't stop him.  He is teaching me about love and kindness.

Do you guys have those sign twirlers in your neck of the woods?  The other day I saw a girl throw down her sign in disgust, kick it aside and walk away from her post.  I guess she couldn't cut it. Or didn't give a shit.

Speaking of not giving a shit.  The other day I saw a woman with frizzy dark hair, which was up in a bun (not a cute messy bun, just a get this hair out of my face bun) and my first thought was: She just doesn't give a fuck, does she?  My second thought was:  Looks like my hair. 

A few years ago, I wrote something along the lines of... it doesn't matter to me whether there is a God, it doesn't change how I live my life.  I had no idea there was a word for that:  Apatheism.  (Thank you, Murr)  I only hope that there is no disrespect inferred.  I have no intention of apathifying your faith. 

Happy Monday. 

No, really.  (Turns out I sometimes come off as sarcastic when I don't mean to be.  Not really sure what to do about that yet.)

Friday, October 19, 2012

I see you

Immediately outside of the building I work in is a rose garden.  I shame myself a little sometimes in that I don't always see it.  I walk by  a wealth of loveliness multiple times a day, and don't always take notice.  Today this single red rose is stretched up taller than all the rest yelling, "look at me!  Look at meeee!"

I laughed a little at that rose because just a few moments before, I had passed an instructor and thought about how we had both seen each other (I'm not talking about flirting or ogling, just registering the other person's presence) twice, no less.  First he walked west past the library as I walked east, then he walked east through the humanities building as I walked west.  And we each knew that we were each taking a quick stroll on a lovely day.  And I noticed again what beautiful eyes he has. 

The noticing doesn't always happen.  People don't always see.  Once in another building, I saw another employee downstairs, we took different routes up, and I saw him upstairs.  He asked me whether I had just come out of one of the upstairs rooms, and I  thought to myself that he knew I was just downstairs... he had seen me.  He even said hi.  But he didn't realize.  It didn't register. 

I like it better when I see.  I think I like it better when I am seen too. 

Saturday, October 13, 2012

birthday joys

I ended up having a pretty great birthday this year.  Dan really wanted it to be nice even though we are flat broke.  We ate sub sandwiches with my parents and they brought a small ice cream cake (I only went a little over my calories for the day).  Then Maya surprised me by playing Happy Birthday for me on her violin.  She's been taking lessons for a few weeks now and learned to play that for me in secret. 

Wednesday, October 10, 2012


I decided today that October is absolutely my favorite month in (inland) Southern California.  Of course, if you ask me in about four weeks, I will say that November, yes, November is definitely the best part of the year.  Either way, the mornings and evenings are cool.  The summer's heat is (mostly) behind us and the afternoons are bright and clear and temperatures can be anywhere between 70 and 90 degrees Fahrenheit. 

Sunsets are fantastic in October.  Second only perhaps to sunsets in January.  Or February.  You know what? Any time it's not 120 out, sunset is freaking awesome. 

I also decided that the art building is my favorite place on the college campus where I work, with all the chalk drawings on the sidewalks and sculptures and paintings in the windows.  That is until I walk past the biology lab where they have green, growing things and lizards and god only knows what else tucked away in nooks and crannies.  Or it might be the courtyards that are my favorite. People sit and read; birds chirp and peck for bugs.

There's no point to any of this and therefore no good way to end it.  (It doesn't end, does it?)