I can't believe I have to write these words, but... we lost another dog this weekend. Three of our four dogs have died in the last two months. I just can't believe it. I still hear her nails on the wood floor following me around and look before I get out of bed so I don't step on her.
We had to have Bella put to sleep on Saturday. It just killed me. The vet reassured us that even if we had money for treatment, the prognosis wasn't good. And that it was just a very unfortunate coincidence, her getting so sick so soon after the other two older dogs died.
I swear, we kept them all alive for many years before this August. I just don't know what to say.
We are left now with only Billy, my late mother-in-law's dog. God help that dog.
I had close to two hours alone at home yesterday afternoon and you know what I did with that time? I folded laundry and then swept and mopped. It couldn't be helped, the floor was gross. And the work was therapeutic.
Meanwhile, Austin is back in swim lessons, Maya is taking violin lessons, and I need to get back to yoga before I snap (whether it's Scandinavian or Indian first matters not, it helps me keep my shit together).
I had started trying to lose weight back in May (again, for the hundredth time) and lost a few pounds right away. But then it just... stopped. I was still thinking about what I ate. Still avoiding (mostly) sugary drinks. I wasn't getting out to walk as much as I had been in the beginning but I was still trying to get up regularly at work.
So in the article linked above, they talked about SparkPeople.com*. I don't know where the hell I've been, but apparently it's quite popular. I had been considering joining Weight Watchers, but had some concerns (also known as excuses). But this SparkPeople thing is FREE. And ONLINE. And modular in that you can choose the pieces and parts that work for you. There are about a thousand-million tools in there, but if I don't want their meal plan, I don't have to use their damn meal plan.
I am tracking my food, water, exercise, weight, blood pressure, and a couple more subjective things like the quality of my sleep and how confident I feel today. It's only been since yesterday, so I can't speak to effectiveness insofar as long term weight loss, but lemme tell you, it has been enlightening. Not only have I been surprised by how much sodium and other yucky things I'm getting that I'd be better off without, but I am also making personal notes about what I'm eating and I have learned something about myself already.
I have learned that I get pissed off about food REALLY easily. I got pissed that Dan bought chocolate yesterday (and told me it wouldn't kill me to indulge when I said I would rather not have any). I got pissed that the package of pretzels I thought wasn't too bad was actually two servings, not one, making them twice as not-so-good after all. I got pissed that I tried to save calories at lunch by eating a diet friendly frozen entree but I was hungry again an hour later.
I'm sure my family would tell you that it's no real shock, but it turns out I get pissed off a lot. Like, a LOT.
I don't know how much I'll be writing about all this here... I tend to clam up when/if I get discouraged. Hopefully that won't happen and I'll be shouting from the rooftops about how fabulous it is to shop in "regular" clothing stores again. Or, if I am quiet about it, don't assume the worst. Maybe it will go well but I'll be too afraid to jinx it. I dunno.
There are specific personal goals I have that I let go unattained because of my weight. Losing weight, while a good idea, is not the primary goal for me. But I have let my weight keep me from doing things I want to do for too long. You know what? Fuck that shit.
*This is in no way a sponsored post. Just me unloading.
I've been wanting to write this and avoiding it at the same time. Three weeks and a few hours after our dog Callie died, her oldest and closest doggie pal Dusty followed her. As much as it was a shock when Callie died after not feeling well for just a couple days, Dusty went down hill over a couple weeks and took his time. By last Saturday we knew it could be days our hours. Tuesday morning he was gone. To the best of our knowledge he was around 12 years old, having been with us almost 10 years.
Dusty was a bear of a dog. Large and lumbering with a warning bark that stopped strangers in their tracks. I was so grateful to have his imposing figure to stand guard over our house on our dark and dirty (literally) street.
It's so quiet here now. Dusty couldn't let a plane fly over without giving it what for. Get outta my sky, he would tell them.
So now we have two dogs. Bella and Billy. A queensland heeler mix and a shih tzu respectively. Two is a much more manageable number than four. But after Dusty died Austin became very fearful that Bella might die too. I want to be honest and tell him that yes, she will die, but hopefully not for a very long time. That doesn't satisfy him though and I end up fighting my instincts and saying that no, she won't die.
Anyway, we're fine here. Still a little sad and adjusting, but fine.
And if there is such a thing as Fall Fever, I've got it. (As opposed to Spring Fever.) This heat can't end soon enough as far as I'm concerned.