Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Here goes

I read this article on Yahoo yesterday titled Affordable Ways to Lose Weight

I had started trying to lose weight back in May (again, for the hundredth time) and lost a few pounds right away.  But then it just... stopped.  I was still thinking about what I ate.  Still avoiding (mostly) sugary drinks.  I wasn't getting out to walk as much as I had been in the beginning but I was still trying to get up regularly at work. 

So in the article linked above, they talked about SparkPeople.com*.  I don't know where the hell I've been, but apparently it's quite popular.  I had been considering joining Weight Watchers, but had some concerns (also known as excuses).  But this SparkPeople thing is FREE.  And ONLINE.  And modular in that you can choose the pieces and parts that work for you.  There are about a thousand-million tools in there, but if I don't want their meal plan, I don't have to use their damn meal plan. 

I am tracking my food, water, exercise, weight, blood pressure, and a couple more subjective things like the quality of my sleep and how confident I feel today.  It's only been since yesterday, so I can't speak to effectiveness insofar as long term weight loss, but lemme tell you, it has been enlightening.  Not only have I been surprised by how much sodium and other yucky things I'm getting that I'd be better off without, but I am also making personal notes about what I'm eating and I have learned something about myself already. 

I have learned that I get pissed off about food REALLY easily.  I got pissed that Dan bought chocolate yesterday (and told me it wouldn't kill me to indulge when I said I would rather not have any).  I got pissed that the package of pretzels I thought wasn't too bad was actually two servings, not one, making them twice as not-so-good after all.  I got pissed that I tried to save calories at lunch by eating a diet friendly frozen entree but I was hungry again an hour later. 

I'm sure my family would tell you that it's no real shock, but it turns out I get pissed off a lot.  Like, a LOT.


I don't know how much I'll be writing about all this here... I tend to clam up when/if I get discouraged.  Hopefully that won't happen and I'll be shouting from the rooftops about how fabulous it is to shop in "regular" clothing stores again.  Or, if I am quiet about it, don't assume the worst.  Maybe it will go well but I'll be too afraid to jinx it.  I dunno.

There are specific personal goals I have that I let go unattained because of my weight.  Losing weight, while a good idea, is not the primary goal for me.  But I have let my weight keep me from doing things I want to do for too long.  You know what?  Fuck that shit.

*This is in no way a sponsored post.  Just me unloading.


Kristen Grimes said...

You know you got me in your corner ready to wipe away the blood and sweat so you can get out there and fight another round! :-)

liv said...

It is fucking HARD. And you do not have to be PERFECT....:)

I just hope you will do what is right for you...like you tell me - which was really good advice by the way.

And I will be right here whether you want to talk about it or not.

NOLA said...

Right on! I soooo feel ya on this.

Ms. Moon said...

I think Sparkpeople is great. Anything which makes us truly conscious of how we are feeding ourselves is important.
I'm on your side. You know it.

EcoCatLady said...

I can so totally relate to the whole crazy emotions around food thing. Once, when I was seeing a therapist for an eating disorder, she had me keep a food diary. The point was to log everything I ate and what I was feeling emotionally at the time.

It was eye opening to say the least! It really became clear to me that when/if/what/how I ate was being governed by all sorts of crazy emotions, but not really by my body's sense of hunger. It was a HUGE revelation to me that the terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that I was always trying to get rid of, wasn't actually hunger, but anxiety.

Anyhow, many years later I was dealing with a food allergy situation. I literally had hives every day for months. So the doctor had me go on an elimination diet where I had to eat nothing but rice and split peas for 2 weeks. The idea was that you'd remove the foods that were causing the allergies and then slowly replace foods one at a time to figure out what was causing the reaction.

As it turned out, I was allergic to my shampoo, so two weeks of split peas and rice did nothing for my allergies, but it did give me a very interesting new way to look at food. At first I just felt angry, and deprived and like it totally wasn't fair. But then a funny thing started to happen. It was like all of those switches that had been fouled up in terms of food and emotions suddenly got straightened out.

I mean, I was in this situation where all of the secondary emotions surrounding food had been removed... comfort, pleasure, reward etc. Food was just something that existed to satisfy my hunger. It totally changed the way I looked at food, and was sort of like pushing a reset button in terms of getting me to really listen to my body's signals of hunger and satiety.

I'm not exactly suggesting that as a diet strategy, because clearly it wouldn't be a healthy diet over the long term, but it was a very enlightening experience and one that I am grateful to have had.

Best of luck on this journey, I'm with you all the way!


Petit fleur said...

Good for you Steph. I know it's hard not to get discouraged at those plateau places. I do it too. But you CAN do this, just listen to yourself and stick to what you can do for now and add on as you feel ready.

On a similar but different note, I am convinced that anxiety and/or anger eating is a way to ground really big energy. There are lots of other ways, but it's always been an easy and natural one for me too. Recently I've begun to try some other ways... because smoking is one of those ways for me too and I am needing to do something about that also. sigh.

Also I would like to add that I don't know if this is true for everyone, but diet soda makes me hungry! It may have more to do with dehydration or being thirsty, but all I know is that water never does it. So I have had to mostly give those a pass lately. I miss them.

Anyway, enough about me, I am happy for you! And sending you all good wishes.

Hope to see you soon! WE are actually moving your way Oct26th! So maybe sometime in the new year.

Steph(anie) said...

You guys are so awesome. Thank you for the support!

PF - I'm not a diet soda person. I've been mostly off of the real stuff for about a year now, with the occasional exception of a root beer float. They are my ultimate indulgence this summer - though I haven't had one now in at least a week, maybe two.

Anyway, I *was* drinking unseeetened tea (that's actually where my blog title originated from -- my love of Starbucks' unsweet green tea) but I have even given that up. I read a lot of articles about food and nutrition and was getting mixed messages about the effects of caffiene - though the anitoxidents in tea are good. So I'm almost exclusively drinking water with lemon these days and I'm actually enjoying it.

Axiety, anger and boredom are my biggest triggers for emotional eating. I'm trying to work on the anxiety and anger stuff through therapy. The boredom? That's tough because I get super bored at work :(

ain't for city gals said...

I really believe the saying "It's really not about the food" Otherwise we would just quit eating...keep trying..think healthy ...not skinny. I just watched the documentary Forks over Knives...very very interesting.