Thursday, July 19, 2012

Who was I kidding?

Who had money on 2 weeks until I undeleted my blog?  Whoever you are, congratulations. And PayPal my cut to me, wouldya? 

I couldn't stay away.  If that makes me a hypocrite, then so be it.  That will make sense to two of you out there. 

I've had so many thoughts that I wanted to blog and then I would remember that I pulled the plug and... awwww... saddsies.  Fuck it. 

Still trying to lose weight and, at the moment, failing miserably.  I was down 16 pounds.  Then I gained five back.  Then lost 6.  Then gained 'em back.  I've lost count of how many times I've bounced between XX0 and XX5.  Either I'm doing it wrong or my scale is psychotic. 

Still walking just about every day.  Some days twice, by myself in the morning and with Dan and Austin and sometimes Maya in the evening.  AND trying to do some quick calisthenics at the office every hour or so because I keep reading that EVEN if you exercise regularly, sitting all day (in my case at a desk in front of a computer) still increases your risk of heart attach and stroke.  Fuck me. 

Still in therapy (again) working on improving my belief in my own worthiness and other issues.  Like food.  FOOOOOOODDD.  And shame.  Shame about food.  Shame about sneaking food and eating in secret.  Something I have done since I was three goddamned years old. 

Anyway.  How are you?

PS. I also started taking saffron extract (this brand but at a better price) which supposedly suppresses appetite, raises libido, improves mood, and cures cancer while it's at it.  I think I like it.  Has anyone out there tried it?


Courtney at RRI said...

I wouldn't stress out too much about five pounds--after all, we tend to fluctuate around 5 pounds depending on the time of the day/month. However, you're probably right that your feelings around food are also part of it.

Tony Robbins explains that a need for comfort and certainty is one of our basic human needs--so if you go home and know you can dissolve whatever issues you had during the day through eating, the need is met. However, we can get caught in an unhealthy cycle where we know what we're doing isn't helpful for weight loss, but keep doing it out of want for that comfort. Take a look at the video in my link. It does a great job explaining our different needs and how those sorts of habits develop--and more importantly, how to stop the difference between what we know we should do and what we end up doing.

Ms. Moon said...

If this is of any help to you at all- I think that diet does get easier to control as we age. I swear.
For me it has, anyway.

liv said...

Wahoo!!! You're back....hahaha. I love it. Welcome, welcome - you're so fun to read :)

I've been losing the same damn 10 #'s for 20 years - truly. Love food, have shame, no sex - you name it. And to make things worse, sometimes I am a damn good cook, geez!

Saffron extract?? I'll have to google that, never heard of it. Hope it works for you!

So nice to see you again :))

Steph(anie) said...

Courtney - Thanks for the tip :)

Ms. Moon - I worried that my metabolism is slowing at a rate that is directly inverse to my ability to control my eating habits. But that's just me being negative.

liv - Thank you for being here for me still, you are a dear.

Denise Emanuel Clemen said...

"I'm just mad about saffron, saffron's mad about me..."

Kristen Grimes said...

Glad you didn't stay undeleted for long!!

NOLA said...

Yay! You're back!

Not to push Weight Watchers ... but if you joined we could be weight loss buddies and share recipes and such. Seriously, Mission tortillas are making my life amazingly better.