I went crazy this weekend. Friday night I was crying and saying things I knew in my head were wrong, but that play in my head like a broken record. Those things boil down to this: I am not worthy of love and no one worth a damn would love me. Saturday I yelled at Dan and started a fight. I was still feeling insecure.
For anyone late to the party here, this is all do to my father's complete lack of effort to be a part of my life while I was growing up. I was not worth his time. I have done therapy, but have been out of therapy for a couple months again now and the need for release of the crazy thoughts got built up. Obviously I need to go back to therapy, but scheduling it right now has become difficult. I will leave it at that.
I have decided though that I - we - need a vacation. Nothing big or fancy. Maybe we'll use spring break to go up to Sequoia, something I've wanted to do for a long time.