Wednesday, January 18, 2012

here goes nothin

Did you know that in middle school, there are kids who have sex in the school bathrooms while other kids stand lookout at the door?

When I worked at the movie theater, we found people in all kinds of creative hiding places doing all kinds of nasty things.

When I was in high school, I had at least one friend that had sex on campus during lunch. Not the most romantic setting, but hormones are very motivating.

Another friend had an adventure on the grass of a golf course in the middle of the night. Until the sprinklers came on, that is. I still laugh at the thought of it.

But now I am a mother. And while TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE my teenager is not yet 'active,' the time has come for a little pill to be a part of her daily routine.

Make no mistake, this is not an endorsement on my part. I would be perfectly OK with it if she didn't have sex until... um... ever. But I am also realistic. And I've been there. I got pregnant at 18. And I was a 'smart' kid. I got good grades, had a part time job, got accepted to college. But the good judgement part of my brain went wonky and I thought it would be just fine to jump into the great pool of life with both feet and have a baby. God help me. You know how lucky I was in so many ways? But in spite of that dumb luck it was hard. It is hard still.

So I am doing what I believe to be the most responsible thing and putting my child on The Pill.

I know as well as you do that it doesn't protect from disease. And that it certainly doesn't mitigate the potential emotional ramifications of sex. And I'll say it again -- I don't want her to have sex. But I'm pretty sure that what I want has not much at all to do with what will happen.

Meanwhile, there's a good chance it will help with her acne. (BONUS!)


EcoCatLady said...

Wow! I am totally impressed. So much better than the "let's shame you into complete neurosis" approach that my parents took. Your daughter is so lucky to have such an open minded and reasonable mother!

Bobbie Leigh said...

I think what you are doing is excellent. It's better to educate your daughter than turn a blind eye- though I'm sure it's easier said than done. I'm dreading the day I have to have "the talk" with my daughter.

Ms. Moon said...

My across-the-street neighbors have a daughter who recently turned sixteen and she is suddenly driving and she has a real boyfriend. They are freaking out, the mom and dad. Their almost-perfect girl is, well...not perfectly perfect any more. She is misbehaving!
Here was my advice to them:
1. Get her on birth control. Now.
2. Don't take any bullshit.

That's it. I believe it sums everything up quite nicely.

I admire you. I think you are perfectly correct.

NOLA said...

How about an IUD? Or the patch or shot? I'm not up on the side effects or best method for teenagers, but I know my friends in their 20's love their IUDs.

I'm so proud of you for being so honest! I know this isn't easy.

Steph(anie) said...

NOLA, me personally, I have had an IUD in the past and did the shot for a year or two and for me, the pill has been the best by far.

TMI alert: I bled heavily with the IUD. And with the shot, I didn't bleed at all at first, but then ended up having a 3 month straight light bleed that made me insane. The pill makes me regular as all get out and I don't have trouble remembering to take it (knock on wood). I know remembering/making it a routine is hard for some people.

Anyway, if after trying it the pill isn't the best for Maya we will reevaluate, and she certainly can on her own when she's older. But for now I'm just going with the method that I have had the best experience with. :)

EcoCatLady said...

Just my 2 cants here... I have three friends - yes THREE who have gotten pregnant with an IUD. I realize anecdotes are no substitute for scientific statistics but still... I'm stickin' with the pill!

liv said...

LOVE that you took responsibility and made such a proactive decision for your WHOLE family. An unplanned pregnancy, especially for a teenager, affects everyone in the family.
Wish my mother had had the foresight, but I'm not sure there even was a pill waaaaay back then.

You're a Smart Mom!

Petit fleur said...

Holy cow! Middle school has changed since I was a kid. Or maybe it hasn't and my oblivious nature is the reason I don't recall all the bathroom sex.

I hope that your wishes are granted and fears abated... but just in case, it is good to be proactive.

Good luck with this. It sounds like kind of a scary juncture.

Kristen said...

But I'm pretty sure that what I want has not much at all to do with what will happen. - Yep...this is truer than true!!!

NOLA said...

Hey, whatever works! :) I had serious problems with the pill but everybody is different.

I had a friend who was in 7th grade and kept her pills in her school locker ... which would have worked better if (a) school was in session every day; and (b) she attended school more than 37% of the time. (I personally liked option (c) - that she stop screwing a 24-year-old - YUCK!!)

Steph(anie) said...


Maya's pill will be at home and I will be playing the part of Nurse Ratched.