Thursday, January 26, 2012

angst

This odd, sad, sort of scary feeling has come over me. A series of events, a couple bad dreams, and a conversation with a person who seems to be... troubled. I feel a sense of déjà vu. That the right thing to do would be to reach out to this person, but I don't know how. But that doesn't matter, does it? The how just lays out in front of you if you just start. Tell the person. I see you. Are you okay? Really?

At least twice in my life I have failed to ask. Failed to reach out when hindsight later tells me I should have. Whether or not it would have made a difference.

This isn't making any sense is it?

I really have been having the most terrible dreams. In one, my family was put on what looked to be a ride at an amusement park. But I knew that at the end of the ride, we would be going into an incinerator. I didn't know how to handle the situation. Was it inevitable? Or should I try to get us out? Should I tell my child that is excited to go on a ride what is really happening? Or play along?

2 comments:

EcoCatLady said...

Oh my, that sounds like a disturbing dream indeed. CatMan used to work as a therapist, and he studied Gestalt dream theory for a while. In that theory, everything in the dream is a part of yourself - and the scary parts are really your own anger and power that you have trouble owning.

So, years ago, I was having horrible nightmares every night. CatMan helped me through it by asking me to "be" each thing in the dream. At first I thought it was silly, but I went along with it, and after we'd been doing this sort of work for a few months, I had the most amazing experience.

I had a dream that I was climbing a rickety staircase in the pitch black. I was terrified because I knew that something horrible was waiting at the top of the stairs, but for some reason I had to keep climbing. All of a sudden a hideous cyborg-like monster appeared at the top of the stairs. I was paralyzed with fear. The monster reached toward his chest, and I was sure he was grabbing a weapon with which to kill me.

But then, as I was standing there shaking with fear, I saw that he wasn't reaching for a weapon at all - he was grabbing a zipper. He pulled down the zipper and I suddenly realized that there was no monster there at all... I was looking into a mirror. And all the time it was really just me wearing a cyborg-monster suit. I stepped out of the costume and stood in front of the mirror laughing.

That was the end of my terrible nightmares.

Ms. Moon said...

Maybe it's the solar flares, baby. Last night I dreamed that I was part of a group which was going to be exterminated as a sort of group capital punishment situation. Uh-huh. In my old Jr. High.
For some reason, I was spared.
And really- what the EFF? was that all about?