blah blah blahg

I didn't notice it happening, but I got all turned in on myself again. Quiet. Closed off. I missed a therapy appointment. I've been missing Lori again.

The last time she wrote to me she questioned again why I was writing to her. She said she couldn't imagine that she had been that big a part of my life. I was tempted to print out one of the emails she wrote to me years ago about what a good friend I was to her and mail it to her. But what's the point? Maybe it is time to let go. Navigating a friendship, if that's what it still is, through this just feels too hard sometimes. It's just that I've never stopped feeling beholden to her. Not in a keeping score kind of way. But you know, there are people who are in your life and you love them...

I hate October anymore. Dan volunteers all month at a local haunted house and I don't see him at all. Halloween is his holiday and he doesn't even spend it with the kids anymore. Last year his mom went with me to take them trick-or-treating. Two days later she went into the hospital and a week after that she died during surgery. I suppose that's part of my sadness too. Remembering this time last year and what was to come.

Fuck, I have to end this on a better note than that.

I never spend money on myself. I buy things for my house, but not my person. I rarely buy clothes. The only shoes I wear are Crocs. I cut my own hair and I've only had one manicure in my life, for my wedding. The work pants I have now are the same pants my mom bought for me when I went back to work after Austin was born. He's five now. All this to illustrate what it took for me to order myself a bunch of clothes today. I know I'd be better off going in and trying things on, but I keep putting it off and avoiding it. So if I can look online without feeling self-conscious and they have free returns if anything doesn't work, then why not?

In short: YAY, new clothes!!!

Lucky Now

This song makes me think of Ms. Moon.

And if the lights draw you in
And the dark can take you down
Then love can mend your heart
But only if you’re lucky now

Being Elmo

Watch the trailer here. It gave me chills - such love.

From IMDB:
The Muppet Elmo is one of the most beloved characters among children across the globe. Meet the unlikely man behind the puppet - the heart and soul of Elmo - Kevin Clash.

everything I need to know I learned from watching cartoons

I've written before about how much I like the cartoon Spongebob Squarepants. Folks might assume that I like the show for the title character, and I do -- he's terrific, but that's only part of it.

To be honest, I watch it just as much for Squidward Tentacles. For those of you who don't watch the show, Squidward is a miserable, cranky, self-absorbed, sarcastic pain in the ass. And sometimes the things he says sound a lot like... me.

I can't help but laugh at how miserable he sounds. How much he doesn't want to be around the people who care about him. Spongebob really does want to spend time with Squidward, but Squidward finds Spongebob incredibly annoying. And this somehow both endears me to Squidward (or is it endears Squidward to me?) and makes me want to be more like Spongebob.

I watch the show and think to myself, crap, I sound like that miserable SOB... I would be a much happier person if I were more like the #1 Goofy Goober.

.::.

In the next episode of Stephanie Likes Cartoons Too Much, we'll learn about how my parenting philosophy is summed up in four lines of dialogue from Finding Nemo.

Screw it, here are the lines:

Marlin: I promised I'd never let anything happen to him.
Dory: Hmm. That's a funny thing to promise.
Marlin: What?
Dory: Well, you can't never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him. Not much fun for little Harpo.

...

This bit is good too:

Marlin: How do you know if they're ready?
Crush: Well, you never really know, but when they know, you know, y'know?

after his bath

Mama: Put on your underwear.
Austin: It's not my job.
Mama: Oh yeah?
Austin: It is my job.
Mama: Yes it is.
Austin: I hate my job.

I love Dan Zanes

This video was made by a father who, like me, was so very glad to find Dan Zanes' music to share with his young child.

Here's one of his songs.

Though I do think you can just as well share Jack Johnson and some other popular musicians with young kids.

favorite time of day

Just before sundown, light and shadow dance to the music of the wind in the trees.

What had I done?

I had decided to return to the family farm. There was some sneakery required on my part. I had to be present by a certain date to claim it, and someone didn’t want me there. I pulled my wagon full of supplies (seeds and various implements) up to the back gate and had to make a run for it. (There must have been horses involved...)

Unbeknownst to me, as my wagon rattled over the ruts in the fields, rotten, malicious spirits the size of garden gnomes were being scattered all over the fields, spilling over the sides of my wagon as I raced toward the farm house.

It was getting dark as we gathered around the dinner table in the farm house. I took some time looking at old family photos and antique furniture; feeling satisfied that I had done it. I was there.

I looked out the window and saw the damage that the malicious spirits were already beginning to cause on the fields. In great distress, I asked my advisor and elder what was happening. She told me that she knew that this would happen, but didn’t tell me because it had to be done -- I was meant to be there and whatever damage the spirits caused was something I would just have to deal with.

I was not confident at all that it had been the right thing to do and blamed myself for what I was afraid would be unrecoverable.

I want to be her when I grow up

Upton just won the most votes on American Apparel's plus-size modeling contest for her series of satiric binge-eating photos, but the clothing label isn't giving her any prizes.

All Upton has done (by eating a turkey in a pool), is open up a conversation about how differently companies market to women depending on their body types.

http://shine.yahoo.com/the-thread/american-apparel-s-feud-with-photo-contest-winner-heats-up.html

Believe me, I won't bother

I know you guys probably get this spam all the time just like I do, but this one tickled me and I thought I'd share. And I quote, "this is not your everyday scam email."

From: Vladimir Kalinin [mailto:vladk@netsite.com] Sent: Friday, September 16, 2011 4:10 AM To: undisclosed-recipients Subject: Hello Hello, I am an Investment Lawyer/Consultant, with a firm in America, Middle East, Europe and Southern Africa. And all this years I have handled investment fund for “Private Individuals” that in one way or the other want complete anonymity We have this client, that has large amount for investment and we are looking for trust worthy individual with viable project in areas of (Real Estate, Agriculture, Oil & Gas, and Construction). Please note, that this is not your everyday scam email. If you are interested in handling and managing these huge funds kindly send your full details (Company's profile or personal details including telephone number) on my email address for more information, please do not bother to write back if you are not interested. Vladimir S. Kalinin.

A red rooster crows a little Mexican tune on the chain link fence by the gate

It has finally started to cool off enough at night that we can open the windows and get some fresh air. Which means I hear the neighbor's rooster first thing in the morning... or all night when there's a full moon. That rooster must not be as smart as Elvis. Anywho, I get this song stuck in my head every stinking morning now. Good thing I like Los Lobos so much.

A red rooster crows
A little Mexican tune
On the chain link fence by the gate
Somebody's daddy's out there
Honkin' on the horn
Hurry up, you're gonna make him late
I gotta say one, two, three more things before I go on

Good Morning Aztlán

Blubberella

David Bowie - Modern Love

Heard this on the radio this morning. Perked me right on up. Thought I'd share.

this may be my favorite yet

Maya's birthday is a little over two months away. Which means she's been planning it in her head and out loud for about 9 and half months. There are basically two options when it comes to birthdays in this family (as far as kids go). Amusement park or party. She's been waffling quite a bit about which way to go, but we found a tipping point when I told her she could only invite one friend if we go to an amusement park (I'm poor), but she could invite pretty much everyone she knows if we have a party. DING DING DING DING. We have a winner.

Parties in this house tend toward the formulaic, but everyone has a good time.

• Jumper (one year we swapped this out for video games and Karaoke)
• Cupcakes (decorated to the theme)
• ice cream
• chips, dip, veggies, fruit
• beer (for the grown ups)
• pizza or a more finger foods
• music (DUH)

So the next step is to figure out the theme. I am proud to say that we have never repeated a theme*. (I know it's not much to be proud of, but I'm an underachiever, I'll take what I can get). Past themes have included pirates, Tinkerbell, Hello Kitty, Spider-man, rocker girl, Thomas the train... so on.

Maya found a new one she likes for this year and it is simply... well, AWESOME.

UNICORNS AND RAINBOWS. It doesn't get any cheesier than that, people. And it is making me ridiculously happy. Just imagine all the ways to work this theme in -- rainbow sherbet instead of ice cream, lots of LGBT type rainbow paraphernalia...

Unicorn farts. This is going to be FUN y'all.

.::.

*Both kids had their own Blue's Clues party... but that doesn't count as a repeat, right? Austin wasn't even born yet when Maya had hers.

Zee Avi

lingering summer

This is the longest strawberry season in the history of California.

Actually, I have no idea if that’s true, but it is a longer season than any I can remember. It’s like an embarrassment of riches. The red treasures just keep coming. And it’s September! Sometimes they peter out by late July. And the stand we go to opened the first of March. So if they stay open through this month, that’s seven months! Holy crap, that’s awesome!

.::.

I think I’ve been afraid to say anything here, lest I jinx it, but Austin is in swimming lessons and LOVES it. I was worried because we tried T-ball earlier this year and he just wasn’t having it. No, no and no. It was a real exercise in not being able to make your kid like something they just don’t like.

But the water. This boy loves the water. The pool at the gym is huge and very chloriney (spell checker says that’s not a word, but I disagree). He’s still working out the kinks of doing “big arms” and “kick kick kick” at the same time, but he’s getting a little better every lesson and it’s such a joy to watch.

I just like the damn pictures

via

this is some crazy shit

Love

The good doctor over at Grady wrote an amazing post (as usual) and finished it off with a song that made me think about my grandmother and that in turn made me think of the music my Grandmama likes, which brings us to the one and only Nat King Cole.

Amen.

PS. I think it just this minute occurred to me why I like trumpet music so much.