Tuesday, August 30, 2011

no, I didn't have a stroke

My dentist may have been a little overzealous with the Novocain. I am still numb from my forehead to my neck from my lunchtime appointment.

My arms hurt from the death grip I had on the armrests of the torture chair. What on earth possesses a person to become a dentist? The Nazis aren’t hiring anymore, I guess.

At one point, while I was trying not to focus on that god awful wail of a noise coming out of the drill, I noticed that my lip was sort of pinched between his finger and my front teeth. “That would hurt if I could feel it,” I thought to myself.

Then I couldn’t help but laugh at myself when it occurred to me that if I could feel it, my lip would be the least of my worries.

BUT! While we were in there taking care of my new cavity (aren’t I a little old to be getting new cavities???) we swapped out my old metal fillings for the nice tooth colored ones. My molars look freaking awesome!!!

Monday, August 29, 2011

Derby - If Ever There's a Reason

If ever there's a reason to be swept up in the season
Of the fallen leaves
And if the days grew shorter
And the darkness drew its order
From the autumn grey

...

If ever there’s a need to watch
the afternoon just roll into
the evening sky
find comfort in the finer things
That keep you close that keep you safe
Within this room

...

Is it fall yet? :)

love thyself

Blogging is hard sometimes. Not hard like digging ditches, just… it’s so damn public. But it is an amazing vehicle for making actual personal connections. Well look at that, I think to myself, that person over there 3000 miles away from where I sit now had this experience that I can relate to and I find some peace in their resolution. That is just such a... reliefinspirationjoy.
My oldest child is of an age where she is very curious about the – ahempleasures of the body. She is exploring this curiosity on her own (for now, anyway, thank god) with great confidence and abandon. Like, she could teach lessons at conferences. There must be conferences about that sort of thing somewhere in the world.
Anyway, I find myself as a parent walking a bit of a tightrope. I respect her curiosity and desire as a normal part of growing up. Meanwhile, I’m freaking out in the corner willing her to STOP GROWING THE FUCK UP ALREADY.
And then there is the not so small issue of her specialness. Her particular brand of specialness has been rebranded from MR to Intellectually Disabled. No joke.
Words and people, people and words. Sigh.
And one of the areas where the Intellectually Disabled are often really and truly disabled is that of an awareness of when and where a particular activity might or might not be appropriate.
Well, that’s enough of being cryptic for today. Feel free to tell me if I’ve crossed the line and should delete this. I really don’t know right now.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

to pseudonym or not to pseudonym

Derek Powazek and Heather Champ* are in my naive, romantic little mind, the King and Queen of the Internet.

Anyway, I found this post about using our *real names* online, specifically on Google+, interesting.

*The photo on Dooce's Flickr stream of Ms. Champ's @ tattoo will stay with me forever and always.

Bless the Internet.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

spammers, don't waste my time

Dating for 50+ Singles
I'm 33. And married.

Free Viagra Samples and/or Penis Enlargement
I don't have one to get up or enlarge.

If you're going to cram up my email box, send me something I can use. Thank you.

.::.

UPDATE: Just got one for a Maid Service. Now we're talking! Ask and ye shall receive.

Friday, August 19, 2011

for those of you who are fans of my tweaky colored photos

Singing? I dunno.

Thumbs up.

.::.

I wish I could tell you there's an app for that,
but my camera's just jacked.

Happy Friday.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

the next phase of the journey

Almost exactly a year after quitting regular therapy, I'm back in it. I had been back to see my therapist once since then, but it was a one-off.

A little over a week ago, my husband hurt my feelings. (No, I did not and will not blog about what he did.) And then I went from hurt to furious in 1.2 seconds. I somehow managed to keep my head on straight and not say the hurtful things I wanted to verbally fling at him. I called my therapist instead and made an appointment for later in the week, and then Dan and I talked calmly and got through it. And after that I still fantasized about killing him that night.

But since that night, and the therapy appointment I had two days later, I am gradually becoming more aware of how much time I spend being angry. Angry at my dad. Angry at myself. Angry at my husband, my kids. Angry at the whole MOFO world. Sometimes even angry at the Buddha.

I don't have an action plan for my anger issues at this time, other than to observe it and be honest about it when I feel angry. Not blame my attitude on being tired, or saying that it's anxiety, but owning up to it when I am just pissed off.

Further exploration of this aspect of myself may include the connection between my weight, food and anger, feelings of self-worth and the lack thereof, and that theory/saying that depression is anger turned inward.

Should be fun!

Monday, August 15, 2011

another first day

Austin is now a kindergartener.

My camera is still being bipolar and dicking around with the colors. My son is still being stubborn and only smiling when he damn well wants to.

Good morning.

PS. I just noticed that he magically got taller between these two photos :) I was standing when I took the first and sat down on a dining chair to take the second. It's all about perspective.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

on being pried out of my shell

We ended up with a houseful and backyard full of people yesterday. A man that Dan may end up doing some work with is a singer and musician and he and his people used our backyard to practice while Dan ran the mixing board. There were calls from neighbors to quiet down.

Along with the people playing came some of their family members. I didn't know that that was the plan before hand, I thought it was just practice. When I learned that it was turning into a mini party I went into a sort of panicky anxiety. I wasn't emotionally prepared to be friendly with people I didn't know and I didn't have any food to put out. I pretty much freaked out for a bit, but managed to get it together and go to the store for some fixin's.

One of the people here was the mother of the man mentioned above. She is an old Italian mama and she is a riot. I ended up being so glad to meet her and glad to have people over after all. This is a woman who still cries about her daughter's divorce somewhere around 20 years ago, but when talking about family members that had pissed her off, said "fuck them, I don't give a shit." At one point, when one of the musicians outside switched from a saxophone to a flute, I asked his wife what all he played and she said, "anything he can blow on." I said, "lucky you." Then the Italian mama said, "oh, she blows on him too, believe me." I haven't laughed so hard in months.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Maybe

Still gives me chills.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

This? Is funny.

God’s Blog:

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/2011/08/08/110808sh_shouts_simms

The Magic Numbers - Undecided

I wouldn't be surprised if I posted this song a couple years ago, but I'm too lazy to go check. In addition to the harmonies, I love this line:

There's a sound that you make
when you lie to my face don't you know

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

day 1

Maya is right this very minute embarking on her first ever day of high school. I waited until she found a friend to walk to class with before I left her on her own. You could recognize the freshmen by the look of shear terror on their faces, some with the slightest suggestion of a tear in their eye. I was very happy to get hell out of there.

Wish her luck!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

this is FICTION y'all

She waited until she heard him snoring and slipped out of bed. In the kitchen she grabbed the biggest clean knife. Standing over him she remembered her anatomy classes. The angle of the ribs. The location of the lungs. If he woke before he was dead, he wouldn't be able to scream if his lungs were punctured.

She called 911 and told them they needed to come get her, but to tell the police not to turn on their sirens, she didn't want them to wake up the kids. While she waited, she called her mom across town to come and stay with them. As bad as it was going to be for the kids in the morning, it was going to be just as bad for her mom, and she felt bad about that. She thought she better go pee while she could and as she sat on the toilet looking at her panties, she figured her period would start in the next day or so. She wondered if they would give her pads in jail.

Monday, August 8, 2011

the time is nigh, bunnies

I've been half jokingly threatening to eat the hundreds of wild rabbits in my yard for years now. But gradually the possibility of it has become more and more realistic and less of a joke. Financial markets crumble. Green, sustainable living becomes more and more a priority. Why not take advantage of free, lean, local protein and live more off the land?

One thing that tipped me just a little closer toward butchering Thumper was reading Dooce the other day. (Dooce was NOT talking about killing innocent, precious animals.) She was talking about being on the Paleo Diet and I found a list of recommended foods and foods to avoid when following the Paleo Diet. Right there, in the recommended foods list, was rabbit. Huh.

Now, I'm not whole hog in favor of the Paleo Diet. Any diet that lists pinto beans as a food to avoid when pinto beans are an excellent source of fiber and provide pretty well rounded nutrition and grow on a plant... any diet that says you should avoid pinto beans (and all other beans) should be regarded with serious skepticism, in my opinion. There are many good things about the Paleo Diet, I think, but I would never personally observe it exclusively. But I digress.

Back to the rabbits... just the other day I bought a Rose of Sharon for the garden partly because the tag on it said "deer resistant." I thought maybe, just maybe, deer resistant might also be rabbit and squirrel resistant. I was wrong. Very very wrong. Every leaf, every blossom, gone in less than 24 hours*. And that was WITH a wire cage around it to protect it. In my head I kept replaying that scene from Bambi when Thumper would eat the flower and his mama would scold him for leaving the greens. If only.

Then today, Dan emailed me a wikihow page about killing and cleaning wild rabbits for food. (That link should be followed with extreme caution; there are photos.)

Thumper is gonna be Dinner. Not tonight, but soon.

He looks so innocent, doesn't he?

*Yes, I do realize that in eating my plants these critters are only doing what they have to do to survive a long, hot, dry summer. Still, in my yard, they are fair game.

The Whole Enchilada

Are you ready to learn
to love somebody for a lifetime
Wake up it's your turn

Saturday, August 6, 2011

My laugh for the day

Austin's obsession du jour is Batman. But when his five tear old self tries to say Gotham City it comes out more like Goddam City.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Monday, August 1, 2011

lessons

The kids and I waited outside on the lawn while Dan had a doctor appointment. They ate cookies and then played tag. I told them not to yell, but didn't tell them not to run. They picked dandelions for me. In the end I had 36 miniature yellow suns in Austin's Batman hat.

I am amazed that in spite of their 10 year age gap, they still manage to fight about stupid crap and love each other like crazy and be close the way only siblings can be.

As we got ready to leave we saw a dead bird under a tree and Austin got kind of upset about it and spent the next hour telling complete strangers about the bird that had "passed out" (I would tell them he meant passed away and sometimes we would laugh, the strangers and I). Then we saw a man in the pharmacy that had lost a leg. Austin said he thought that man had hurt his leg and I said to him that I thought he was right. Then a woman who turned out to be the man's mother came over and told Austin very sweetly that the man had lost his leg in a motorcylce accident and that he (Austin) should never ride a motorcycle. I told Austin that he should go tell that man that we wished him the best, but instead he told him about the bird.