Monday, December 12, 2011

dream love

I dreamed of a baby.
It was not my baby. It was my baby's baby. One of my biggest fears in this life of mine is that my intellectually disabled daughter will become pregnant. The thought of it terrifies me. I had her too young and it was hard. Like -- HARD, man. It's fucking hard to have a baby before you have your shit together. But if the young mother in question were mentally retarded? Shit.
Maybe I wouldn't be so concerned if she wasn't so freaking interested in sex, but she is. (Interested, that is, not doing it.)
I already have plans to put her on the pill the minute her cycle starts. And my OB/Gyn is behind me 100% on that. But it could still happen. I have had the hypothetical conversation with myself -- if she were to become pregnant, would I? Could I? Force her to terminate? I don't think I could.
But this dream. The baby was a miniature version of Whoopi Goldberg. Don't ask me why Whoopi. I have no idea. But the love that filled my heart in this dream for this baby was overwhelming and continued to overwhelm after I woke up.
But I still don't want her to get pregnant.

8 comments:

Ms. Moon said...

Well, who wouldn't want a baby Whoopi around? I love her.
Maybe your dream was about the love you have for your daughter herself.
Perhaps?

Steph(anie) said...

Who knows? Whatever it was, it felt good. :)

Petit fleur said...

Girl, your dreams are as wacky as mine!

I think your fear is quite understandable. I have no words of wisdom. I do however think that you are doing everything that you can to help her avoid getting pregnant... and really, that's all you can do.

Love you.
xo PS Have you been watching The View? :-)

Steph(anie) said...

No View for me.

Kristen said...

When the time is right, it will be a beautiful thing. But in the meantime you are doing everything you should be! :-)

And Whoopie - bwahahahahahaa!!! Now that would be an entertaining baby! LOL

NOLA said...

Oh man. You are doing all the right things, and I hope you never have to answer the "would I? Could I?" questions.

Glad the dream was sweet!

All This Trouble... said...

Word verification: Prepared.

I shit you not.

michelle said...

Oh my god I totally get it.

Today Mia wrote me a letter about getting a new kitten for xmas and the way she described it made me think "she's gonna wanna have a baby when she's 16"

so no bueno.

I get it

xoxoxo