Thursday, October 13, 2011

Well that was unexpected, but also not

I wrote sometime back about my so-called father. In my experience the only thing you can count on with him is that you can't count on him. That includes not being able to assume that just because you haven’t heard from him in 10 plus years means he will continue to leave you the hell alone [like I asked him to] and you won’t hear from him out of the blue on a random Wednesday.

This isn’t making any sense, is it?

I got a call from him yesterday. He found me at work of all places. Thankfully, I was out for lunch when he called and didn’t have to talk to him. I don’t want to talk to him. I can only assume that he found me on facebook (Ms. Moon may be right about facebook being evil) then Googled me and found me at work (or facebook may not have been involved at all, maybe it was just Google if he remembered my married name). I’m not really surprised that it happened. I wasn’t hiding. It’s usually just a question of when, not whether I will hear from him. He does this sort of thing.

I had already found him on facebook, but had not “friended” him. I just like to keep tabs on where he is in the world. How close he is living at any given time has a lot to do with whether I may hear from him. He has spent many years in Texas and Oregon. Now he is in back California. About 2 hours from where I live. I am hopeful that that is too far for him to make the trip to show up unannounced. But again, I can’t count on that.

I have no idea whether he has found this blog. I don’t much think so though. Making the connection from here to my page on facebook is much easier than the other way around.

My husband suggested that he was calling because it was my birthday (the day before he called). I told Dan that I doubt very much that he knows when my birthday is. Unless he saw it on facebook.

He didn’t say why he called. He wasn’t completely confident that he had the right person. He said in the message, “I hope this is the right Stephanie.” I briefly considered the fact that I could not respond at all. Let him wonder whether it was the wrong Stephanie he called.

Knowing him the way I do (for what it’s worth) I’d guess the reason he called is one of the following, in this order.

  1. He was “thinking of me and wanted me to know that he loves me.” I’ve heard this one before, and considering how little I have heard from him in my life, the proclamation that he loves me cuts like a knife. He can stick it.
  2. His mother may have died. She must be ancient by now but she was a feisty southern lady. She may outlive us all.
  3. He may be sick and wants to connect before it’s too late. (Okay, this one is wishful thinking on my part. Not that I want him to connect, but I’d be fine if he dropped dead.)

Like I said, I don’t want to talk to him. I was curious why he called though, so I messaged him on facebook. Then I spent the rest of the day checking to see if he had written back. Big surprise (SARCASM!) he has not written back. It could just be that he doesn’t check his email and/or facebook as often as I do. It’s considerably more likely though that the spirit that moved him to contact me has simply vacated, only to reappear in anywhere from two months to 12 years.

I’ll keep you posted.


For anyone who's curious, this is what I wrote to him:

I got your voicemail. I can't talk right now, but I wondered why you called. Is everything okay?


Ms. Moon said...

I know how hard this is. I am sorry.

Petit fleur said...

Deep breaths. Lots of them.

Sending love and support,

Denise Emanuel Clemen said...

Ugh. You deserve so much better. I'm so very sorry.