Wednesday, May 18, 2011

It's been a long couple of weeks. The next two aren't looking much better.

Avoiding emotional eating is making me (big surprise) more emotional. I'm beginning to question the wisdom of cutting off my primary coping tactic of the last 33 years without learning some new, more constructive ones first. The book I'm reading recommends meditation, but I'm not very good at it yet. Probably because I'm not trying very hard.

In general, I handle things better when I go to yoga regularly, but my schedule has made that impossible lately and that's not helping my mood AT ALL. Just ask Dan. I already did and he agreed in no uncertain terms.

Just last night I was thinking that as methods of killing oneself go, eating is a pretty good one. I can use food to alter my mood for the better, relax. And if meanwhile I am only passive agressively hurting myself, well then, even better.

Anger is still the emotion I have to work hardest at not eating to soothe.

As for the title of this post: I am very VERY broke this month.

Fuck.

8 comments:

All This Trouble... said...

I don't know what to tell you about the eating thing. It's not like I'm out there running a marathon or digging ditches to quell any of my "stuff" and I'm on the journey too, I guess. Planning helps me stay in control. If left to my own daily devices, I eat whatever, whenever. But if I plan ahead and prepare ahead I do better. I don't meditate properly because I fall asleep!

I'm on top of the broke thing. I know ALL about it!

Petit fleur said...

I empathize. I have not offerings except unconditional support.

I have learned unhealthy coping mechanisms, but they do serve a purpose and that's the point. Yea, there are healthier ways to serve the same purpose, but I also think that if/when we want to change our ways of dealing with stress (or whatever), its probably best to wait till we're NOT in the middle of crisis. You know, those boring lulls in the action/chaos of life. I had one of those back in the 80's!

Hang in there.
xo

Ms. Moon said...

I can so relate. But remember- meditation is something you practice forever. Not like you can really ever be "good" at it. It's just something you do and as such, is good.

Bethany said...

Honey child, I getcha. Hang in there Steph. Food is a drug. I'm tired of using though. There's got to be a better way. Anger, yeah. grrrrrrrrrrr.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I'm el broko too. You are not alone--on the food for coping thing either. I either drink too much wine or eat too damn much and sometimes, both.

adrienne said...

i was talking to a filmaker/friend today about the most difficult actors he'd worked with. he said puff daddy (pee pee diddy?) was by far the worst.

my friend worked on a film with him on two conditions: 1)no sunglasses 2)no fur.

he said he wanted to deal with him without the armor; he found himself working with a very angry and defensive man.

then i mentioned your post to my friend.

you and p diddy. same same.

laugh.

Steph(anie) said...

Yeah, minus the millions we are same same.

No fur?

Mwa said...

Big hug to you. Is it any consolation you're the same as P Diddy? I'm not sure that would work for me. I'm trying to stop eating as well - found myself in bed with crisps and TWO kinds of cheese last night. It's hard. But it can be done. Reading O Magazine just now (an old issue): Think like a thin person! Haha!