Friday, March 11, 2011

she said she is sad

I wrote to Lori and she wrote back. She wrote a lot about whether she’s crazy, or must seem to be, and that made me think of that line… the lady doth protest too much.

She said that the jury found her sane because she can sometimes be a real bitch, and that combined with the charges makes her easy to hate. See how smart she (still) is?

Part of what she talked about broke my heart more than a little. She wrote about The Wizard of Oz, and how she finds some comfort in that story. The twister picks Dorothy up and throws her asunder. She is afraid for herself and for Toto but takes a journey and then is returned home as if she was never gone. Lori said that every morning when she wakes up, before she opens her eyes, she wishes – imagines – that this morning she is in her bed at home and everyone and everything is back to normal. But that morning hasn’t come yet.

She said she believes we are all puppets. And that for a period of a couple weeks before her arrest she was witness to impossible miracles and that God was talking to her through various means and she was given tasks to complete in secret. A mission.

Reading all these things, I could still sense her voice, her self. And she didn’t read crazy. But now that I try to retell it, well, I just don’t know what to say.

4 comments:

Petit fleur said...

Steph,

Crazy/unstable and stupid are not the same. We often think of crazy as what we see on Jerry Springer, but it can be much more subtle and cunning than that.

I'm glad you wrote her. I hope that you feel that you at least made the contact that you felt necessary... I hope you can find some measure of peace or closure.

Love you,
pf

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Trust your gut. It's usually right.

Mwa said...

Maybe it's too big a responsibility to put on yourself to judge the truth of this? Maybe just let it be for a bit.

(I hope I'm not overstepping the mark by saying that.)

xxx

Steph(anie) said...

Mwa - not overstepping, no.