Tuesday, March 30, 2010


Is it weird that I nearly wet myself with joy when I saw this box set advertised?

On second thought, don't answer that.

Fighting crime, trying to save the world
Here they come just in time, the Powerpuff Girls

scene, repeat

Maya: Mom
Me: Yes
Maya: I have to ask you something.
Me: I’m listening.
Maya: I want a bunny.
Me: NO
Maya: But I want [indecipherable ranting begins]
Me: I’m not buying a goddamn rabbit; there are thousands of the flea-infested buggers outside.
Maya: But…
Me: I have to go to work.


Maya: Mom
Me: what
Maya: I have to tell you something
Maya: Mom
Me: …
Maya: I want a pool
Me: So do I but I can’t afford it.
Maya: Mom
Me: yes
Maya: Can I go swimming at Lenny’s house?
Me: It’s 60 degrees outside!!!
Maya: please
Me: no
Maya: [leaves room sobbing]


Maya: Mom
Me: yes, honey
Maya: I want a horse.
Me: Horses cost a lot of money and we’re not set up for one. We’d have to have a shelter built and a paddock and…
Maya: [Friend’s name] has a horse and so does [other friend].
Me: That’s nice.
Maya: I want a horse.
Me: Maya, you are not allowed to say the words *I want* anymore today.
Maya: [leaves room sobbing]


Me: Maya, quit playing with your dad's phone.
Maya: I need a new phone.
Me: You got a phone for Christmas and it broke. You got a new one and you lost it. I'm not paying for another phone.
Maya: [leaves room sobbing]


Maya: Mom
Me: yes?
Maya: Can I go outside and ride my bike?
Me: [silently thanks god] Yes, sweety.

Modest Mouse: Float On

1 day (less than 24 hours) to payday. I may just make it.

10 years (this week) at my job. Hide the guns, pills and razors. I may not make it.

Float on.

Monday, March 29, 2010

David Bowie: Sound and Vision

Dawes: When My Time Comes

Thursday, March 25, 2010

black and white

I just watched The Blind Side last night. I can’t quite decide how I feel about it. If you don’t know, it’s about a well-off white family in Memphis that takes in an essentially homeless black teenage boy who goes on to become a star football player. Sandra Bullock was definitely great in it, obviously. And Quinton Aaron is beautiful, both physically and spiritually.

The story is based on a true one so, in a way, you can’t say that it’s the old Hollywood formula of black and/or native people needing to be "saved" by white people (something Avatar got some flack over). But I think it does reinforce the mentality that black people are somehow incapable of getting their shit together. At least poor black people. The flip side of that is: of course this kid would have had a hard time getting his shit together on his own. His mother was a drug addict and he was surrounded by violence.

But what if it had been a well-off black family that took him in instead? Would the story still get made into a movie? Would it have gotten as much attention as this one did?

Or what if it had been a poor white boy that this white family took in? Is that still interesting?

Or, now here's a CRAZY thought, what if a black family took in a white boy?

My guess is each of these different combinations would be interesting (and this movie was certainly worth watching). And each might tell us something different about ourselves.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

When he's right, he's right.

"This is a big fucking deal." -- Joe Biden

The Jayhawks and Victoria Williams: Lights

What about this thing that you gave
What if it weren't quite perfect
What if there was something bad about it
Would you still love it just the same
Would you still care about it

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

I be smiling too

LOVE the headline/smile combo here.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Random things I have strong opinions about

  • Potatoes should always be eaten with the skin on.
    Fried, roasted, baked, whatever. This makes for a very nicely textured mashed potato too. (Mom says: That's where all the vitamins are. Grandma says: But they're peelings. I say: Yummy! I'll take yours if you don't want 'em.)
  • Birds should not be kept in cages.
    I’m talking about pet birds in cages here, not chickens in pens. A bird in a cage in a house just breaks my heart. And maybe this makes me a hypocrite, but the big aviary at the San Diego Zoo is completely awesome. But it is HUGE and has an amazing number of trees and ponds and things. It is my happy place.
  • Diet Mountain Dew is disgusting.
    Unfortunately, the real stuff is like heroin for me. Set the counter back to 1 day since my last Dew.

Any random opinions you would like to share today?

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Happy Spring y'all

In honor of the vernal equinox, me and the kids sat our butts right down on the dirt and weeds under the elm tree and then Austin baptized me and himself with mud. Maya was all like... what. is. he. doing? Is he playing with... mud. Ewww. [Insert disgusted teenager facial expression here.]

Austin walked around barefoot until the soles of his feet were stained purple from wildflowers.

I tried to take a picture of some yellow wildflowers because the green buds/flower bases uncurl upwards in the shape of a nautilus shell, but my camera sucks.

Maya rode around on her bike, calling the dogs after her like a mama duck, or pan with his pipe.

Friday, March 19, 2010


Totally taking the easy way out on the question I talked about in my last post. As a long time Pearl Jam fan, I fall back on this as my answer. And HO-LY SHIT. Eddie looks like a little baby man here.


Hold on to the thread
The currents will shift
Guide me towards you
Know something's left
And we're all allowed to dream
Of the next time we touch

You don't have to stray
The oceans away
Waves roll in my thoughts
Hold tight the ring
The sea will rise
Please stand by the shore
I will be
I will be
There once more


Dreaming of the next time we touch, really that says it all for me right there. Ocean as loss and sex.

having a geek moment

Dear boss,

I can’t get a damn thing done today. I’m sorry. But one of my bloggy friends asked me a rhetorical question about a song, the song, that most evokes the ocean (or water) and it done fried my brain. Picking one song that most evokes the ocean is damn near impossible. I mean, it’s the freaking OCEAN for crissakes. Might as well ask for the song that best evokes God. It’s just too damn big.

The ocean is peace and danger, life and loss, beauty and pain. Imagine me doing my best Chong impersonation when I say “it’s huge, man.”

Now, if she asked me for a playlist, then we could talk. I’ve got ALL KINDS of songs about ALL KINDS of water. Especially rivers and rain. Not to mention instrumental stuff that leaves more to the imagination. I could do a CD of rain songs, and a CD of river songs and waterfalls. And yeah, the ocean too, but frankly my view of the ocean is skewed toward one of two perceptions: 1) it is danger and loss; or 2) it is sex and surf.

I also feel the need to acknowledge the fact that I have only seen and been in the ocean in two places: the west coast of the US (all over CA) and Italy. I’ve never been to Hawaii or Africa or Japan or Greece or South Carolina a thousand other places where the ocean is probably an entirely different beast.

So surely you must understand that I’ve got more important things than work on my mind.





Thursday, March 18, 2010

Amos Lee: Seen It All Before

who's bold enough to believe
in either love or war
both just leave you busted
broken down
and wanting more

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Movie Crush: Mos Def

Has this man ever made a movie that he wasn't rediculously fabulous in? I just adore him. How could you not? Look at that face.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010


I must apologize in advance, because I am about to whine.

I found something on craigslist that I want and I just know my husband is going to say no. We can't afford it this month. You don't want a big one, you want a pygmy. Blah blah blah. But she's so pretty, I'll say.

Isn't she gorgeous? And she's probably pretty spunky. You need to be around here.

Text from ad:

I have cream white Saanen female goat for sale. She is young and still milking. Call: XXX-XXX-XXXX. Ella

I had an art teacher a few years back that made her own goat cheese. We could do that.

Lovely people of the internet, you are on my side, aren't you?


UPDATE: Damn it. She's already been sold! This just proves that I know a good thing when I see it.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros: Home

Holy moly, me oh my, you're the apple of my eye.


A certain someone I happen to be married to had himself a 40th birthday yesterday!

Maya made him a sign with her own two little hands.

He cooked his own dinner. Now, before you go getting all impressed, he did it because HE IS A CONTROL FREAK. No one else would do it right. There were crab legs, clams, oysters, corn on the cob and some other stuff in that pot. Separately, there were vegetables, rolls, baked beans, and fried potatoes. And enough iced tea to drown a person.

Hope you saved room for dessert. Chocolate meringue pie from the bakery. (Good lord, I am a terrible wife. I didn't cook a thing all day. No, wait, I cooked the veggies. And I did clean the house. Some.) There were also strawberries with shortcake, ice cream and whipped cream.

Contemplating what to wish for...

I can't believe he's 40! He was 25 when we met and 26 when we had Maya. I would tease him about being 30 before she was in kindergarten. What an old man! And now here is is 40! Where does the time go? Gah.

Saturday, March 13, 2010


The first fresh, locally grown strawberries of the season = Heaven on Earth

I wish you could smell these. We had a lunch of leftover spaghetti and then dove into the berries. I'm too ashamed to admit how soon all of these will be gone. But I have to build up my strength, because I have A LOT of work to do:

5 trees, 60 bulbs and about a gazillion seeds. Life is hard ;)

Thursday, March 11, 2010


Sometimes when my mom and I are talking, she will apologize for going on and on about her house. She and I both spend more time and money on our homes than on our persons. No fancy clothes. No trips to the spa or manicurist. Back when she was still coloring her hair, I did it for her. But now it’s gone all silver, and looks beautiful.

But we both have 10 times more quilts than beds to put them on. Shelves of tablecloths. Walls full of paintings (her), photos (me) and textiles that we buy for the sole purpose of hanging them so we can look at them (and I like to touch them, too).

About 16 years ago, one of my cousins, Jason, died in a car accident. He was in his early twenties and had been partying. In a truck full of wild, drunken bachelors, only one survived. At the time, I thought back on the last time we had seen Jason and remembered how my mom and her sister (not Jason’s mother) had been going on and on about their houses. They had made a trip to their favorite antique mall and were talking about their haul and how everything would be put to use. And remembering that day after my cousin was removed from life support, I was very judgmental of my mom and my aunt. I thought they were so superficial! Going on about material things and all the while it was the last time any of us would see Jason. Not that we could have possibly known that at the time.

But now I have my own house and my own kids. The world is a scary place where terrible things happen every day that we have no control over. Hopefully those terrible things don’t happen to your kids. Hopefully those terrible things don’t happen in your house. Hopefully, your house is full of things that bring comfort and beauty. Hopefully, your house is a safe place where good memories can be created and shared. Plates that are used every Thanksgiving. Decorations that are seen every December. Things like these set the scene for the people you love and who love you.

I get it now. And there's no need to apologize.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

I give up

I’m just going to look myself into a padded room with a Leo Buscaglia book.

Where’s my little pocket Buddha? I need him. And my bottle of Vodka.


Letting go now.


Okay now.


Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Monday, March 8, 2010


I’m still walking! Okay, it’s only been a week since I got back into it regular (it had been hit-and-miss) but still. I’ve taken to kicking it up a notch and getting the hell off campus. Using Google Maps, I look at the distances of routes through the local residential area. And all I can say is -- I am one slow motherfucker. I really need to get my mile time shorter if I’m going to get any decent distances on my breaks.

I may even buy some decent shoes. I’ve always just walked in my crocs, but the soles wear out a lot faster on crocs than on real walking shoes, so it might be worth the investment to not trash my everyday shoes.

You know the real problem with walking? Weather. Summer is already lingering on my mental horizon, taunting me with the fact that no matter how good of a routine I get into the heat will come and kick my ass. I’ll have to quit walking sometime around the first of July and it won’t be cool enough to walk again reliably until October. But why the hell am I thinking about that now?! Because I am a negative minded dumbass, that’s why.

It was pretty windy (maybe 15 mph) when I walked today and I just love that. There’s something about wind that makes me feel ALIVE. It’s probably just electricity or positively (negatively?) charged ions or some such something or other. Of course when I get back inside my hair looks like I stuck my finger in a light socket.

Holy shit, this is a boring post. Sorry.


About 3 miles down the road from my house, there is a Senior Living place. They have apartments and a cafeteria and nice gardens and things of that nature. They are set up for Independent Living as well as Assisted Living and so forth.

I don’t blog about it much, but my 77 year-old mother-in-law has lived with us for about a year and a half now. She and my father-in-law moved in when his health was deteriorating quickly back in the fall of 2008 and he died just a couple-few weeks later. Now, I love my mother-in-law, I do. But she is kind of driving me crazy. And I worry that being in such close quarters will eventually do irreparable damage to our relationship. Not to mention the fact that my kids are sharing a room. A 13 year-old girl would really rather not share a room with her 3 year-old brother. Really really really. Really.

So, I think I am going to figure out how to bring up the idea of her moving to the Senior place down the street. She is very social and they have activities and she could make friends. It really would be good for her. I think she will say it is too expensive, but the cost of the rent includes all the utilities, housekeeping AND meals. Shit, I might move there and leave her in my house. But damn it, I like my house.

Wish me luck.

Saturday, March 6, 2010


So. My class. We had our first test last week and I did well. Very well. 100% plus the extra credit points. No shit. Granted, it was the first test and they will get more difficult. But it felt good.

I've always done well on tests, the stress just sharpens my focus. But the day of the test I was worried that I wasn't as prepared as I would have liked.

During today's lecture, I got another step closer to deciding which variety* I might plant, if I decide to do this. I'm really not sure. It's a huge commitment with a lot a risk, especially where pests are concerned. And I don't have a good track record with pests.

And if I don't plant vines here it will be okay, but I do think we need to do more with this place. Chickens, peacock, goat, alpaca, pig, turkey. That's the wish list. Well, the list of animals anyway. Maya would add horses to that list. Eh.

Plants and trees are a little more, well, more. Just yesterday I ordered three different spruce seedlings, a crab apple, a paper birch and bulbs (oxalis and some others I can't remember) all through a fundraiser at Austin's school.

Trees make me happy. I will get up to Sequoia. Someday.

*It might, might be Merlot.

PS. I haven't drank any "homework" in 3 weeks.

Friday, March 5, 2010

I've become so accustomed to my heart being outside of my body

To hell with everything else. You know? Love and sweetness to you.

Matt Morris: The Un-American

Apparently I'm in an ironic kind of mood these days.

And on a completely separate note, I was born in Eugene! (where this was filmed) Oregon is nice.

The Un-american by Matt Morris

The un-American
Needs a personal Jesus
Private insurance
An obedient wife
The un-American
Should really stop complaining
He oughta take a trip to Disney
Get his head on right
Buy a new buy a new buy a new buy a new
It'll be alright
Buy a new buy a new buy a new
That should fix the un-American
A threat to security
Feeding on literature
From a socialist state
The un-American
It really breaks my heart
To see a promising citizen deviate
Buy a new buy a new buy a new buy a new
It'll be alright
Buy a new buy a new buy a new buy a new buy a new buy a new buy
That should fix the un-American
Oh oh
The un-American
Could be your own neighbor
He could be talking to your children
Sleeping with your wife
Oh what if you're the un-American
Oh what if you're the un-American
Oh what if you're the un-American
Oh if you're the un-American
Buy a new buy a new buy a new buy a new
It'll be alright
Buy a new buy a new
And it'll be alright
Be alright

Thursday, March 4, 2010

I. R. O. Oh no! N. Y. Why? Because I said so.


I just had to get it out there the first time, because I know that word makes some of you retch. We have somewhere around a thousand DVDs in this house, and a substantial number of them are associated with the D word.

And since I keep giving them money in $18 increments anyway, I joined the Disney Movie Rewards program -- club -- thingy. The overall premise is that you punch in a magic code every time you buy one of their movies and get points toward, well -- crap. Things. Disney Things.

Today I traded (redeemed) some points for things for the first time and immediately after submitting my order I got an email from the D people that said:

Thank you for your redemption...

Redemption. Seriously. You can't make that shit up.

If only I'd known sooner that the road to redemption was paved with Disney movies!

Dripping. With. Irony.

National Grammar Day

This is an email I got today at work. It tickled me, so I thought I would share.

Good Morning, Everyone:

Just a quick reminder that today is National Grammar Day (please make appropriate cheers, whistles, and foot stomping; expressions of positive impassioned emotions are also acceptable).

I have included two web sites that will provide you everything you need to know about this exalted day (which ranks only slightly more important than National Punctuation Day, 24 September).





Tuesday, March 2, 2010

everything is wrong with him

Way, way back in like 2005 or something, I started following my first blogger. Oddly, it wasn't one of the many wonderful lady bloggers over there in my blogroll; I didn't even find dooce until sometime in early 2006. Nope. It was the potentially (well, most likely) very offensive Jason Mulgrew. God love him.

And look who done grown up and got himself a book deal. Ahhhh...

Seriously though, don't be fooled my that cute pick. He really is a pig. But god help me, he's a funny sonofabitch.

Apparently I've been living under a rock

I didn't know Obama was a smoker (as in cigarettes). I don't judge, I'm just kind of surprised. I did a little poking around on the internet and ran across the photo below. I don't know if it's for real or not (his face is so obscured that it could be some other gentleman of mixed race smoking the weed) but for some reason, this picture makes me happy.

Monday, March 1, 2010

This just in: Breathing is good for you!

This post is likely to be scattered, to say the least. Sometime around midmorning on Friday I started feeling mildly dizzy and light-headed. I still went out with my mom, but it kept happening throughout the day. Saturday it continued and I was starting to feel very sick to my stomach, but I had to go to class because we had our first test. I survived, but by the end of the day I was pushing pretty hard to get done what had to be done.

Sunday started out pretty much the same, and I wanted so badly to just lie down and will the world to go away, but we had to do the beginning of the month Costco run. By dinner time I thought for sure I was ready to throw up. Dan told me I was probably just hungry. I got through dinner and bedtime without losing it and fell into the sleep of the dead. Sadly, it was not to last. Just before 2 AM I woke up and when I wake up at that time I know I have to get up for a while. There’s just no going back to sleep otherwise. I made my way into the kitchen where I suddenly had the urge to take a deep breath.

And right then it occurred to me. I had been holding my breath. I had been holding my breath since Friday morning. My abs were in a knot. That’s why my stomach was upset. And I wasn’t getting enough oxygen. That’s why my head was all wonky. In the few hours since then, every time I start to get that feeling in my head, I pause and take a deep breath. It’s doing a world of good! (Big surprise! Breathing is good for you!)

This is where I confess that I have not gone to yoga since Thanksgiving. I have no good excuses. I need to go back. Unfortunately, I don’t think it’s a good idea to go back today. I need my head on at least a little straighter first. And while the teacher will certainly remind the class to breathe, I am still going to wait a bit. I know for a fact that I am able to hold my breath during yoga, even though that is exactly what you should not do.

So. Walking. I am unable to hold my breath while walking. I’ve tried. Invariably my will to live takes over and I let go and begin to breathe normally again. I’ve walked once so far this morning, including going up and down some stairs. So far so good. I hope to get out again this afternoon.

Why? Why would I be holding my breath? Stress? I guess it might have been the test I had on Saturday, but if so, why didn’t I feel better right after? Money? I got paid on Friday. My MIL? Uh, no comment.

the mama's mama

My mama turned 61 this past Friday. For those of you keeping track of that kind of thing, that makes her a Pisces. My husband is also a Pisces. Take from that what you will.

So, in honor of my mama’s day, I took half the day off from work and took her out to lunch and then we went shopping. Just the two of us. That is the kind of thing we used to do ALL THE TIME. I was an only child and she was a single mother and we’ve always gotten along very well. (Mostly because I’m afraid to piss her off.) We was like peas and carrots.

But since she got married and I started having kids, we haven’t had very much one-on-one time.

Anyway, we did have a good time Friday afternoon, and then we went out to dinner with the men-folk and children in tow, followed by cake and ice cream at my house. Dear god, I thought I would never eat again. Uggh. Too. Much. Food.

Believe it or not, my mom has changed more in the last 16 years than I have. She has rediscovered religion and gone over to the dark side. That is to say, she has become a Republican. And in spite of the fact that we barely agree about anything anymore (she no longer believes in evolution, or that humans are contributing to global warming, WTF?) I still think I know her better than just about anyone else in the whole wide world.

Happy Birthday, mom.