The funeral biz is such a racket. A thousand bucks here, 350 there...
Don't get me wrong. She (my mother-in-law) deserves whatever her son and daughters want to give her in send-off. It's just... good Lord... expensive and maudlin and NOT FOR ME.
So, in the spirit of honoring me in my death, this is what I want:
I want to be cremated*. They have to put your body in something to cremate it, but for crying out loud, make it something on the reasonable end of the price scale. I don't care too much for the $200 cardboard box or the $600 Ikea style fake wood one (actually, it's not that bad, but Dan said NO), the $900 pine one will do just fine. More than fine. Anything more expensive than that will be grounds for a haunting.
Sprinkle my ashes at the place I call home. If for some unforeseeable reason it is no longer my home in the legal or title kinda way, TRESPASS YOUR ASS THERE AND DO IT ANYWAY.
If there must be a get-together of some kind, THERE MUST BE MUSIC and THERE MUST BE FOOD. Alcohol is recommended, but optional. If it helps you to pray, go right ahead. Remember to hug each other and tell people you love them. If there will be little kids there, get a jumper or something so they won't be bored.
* To be completely honest, and perhaps disgusting, I would really rather lay down in a field and be returned to the earth the old-fashioned, ecologically useful kind of way. But I'm pretty sure modern society and my family might frown on such an approach.