Thursday, August 26, 2010

sleep and dreams, tears and vapor

I had one of those dreams this morning. The kind where you are walking through crowds and up and down stairs. Looking for someone you love but can't be with. In all the meanings of love and be with.

I woke up and cried. Cried about the dream. Cried about Lori. Cried about Austin. Even my dad and how he affected my ability to believe I am worthy of love.

Anyway, I'm behind on updates about Lori. I got a subpoena. They started jury selection. And then just like that, the judge pulled the rug out on the whole thing. Ordered a new psych eval as to whether she is competent to stand trial. (Actually, I think this is a good thing.) So depending on the psychiatrist's findings, things will either start over again at the end of September, or she will be held until I don't know when. I wouldn't have thought that was legal. To keep a person in custody for so long without being found guilty. But if she is a danger to herself or society... that's what they do I guess.

They changed her bail from $1,000,000 to no bail. That says something I think.


I've completely fallen in love with the cool mist humidifier we got for Austin. I can't believe we've never had one before. I'm going to get one for my room. Until then, I go into Austin's room and lay down on the bed and feel that nice cool moisture go into my nose and just rest for a few minutes. I lay there and look at that indian cotton thingy that hangs in his room. (I have them all over the house.) I lay there and I fill my bucket.

It seems to be doing him some good too ;). He has slept through the night in his own room for two nights now! He never stays in bed all night. He usually ends up climbing in with me. So, knock on wood, he's getting more rest too.


Ms. Moon said...

I'm so glad your boy is sleeping. That means you are sleeping. And life is so much better when we're rested.

Petit fleur said...

Knock knock! And congrats on the Zs.

Harley still gets up frequently and calls out for one of us. It's so hard to feel anything but exhausted when that happens.

Hang in.

Bethany said...

That air thing sounds dreamy and your indian cotton thingies!

I'm sorry about your friend, such tough stuff.