Monday, February 22, 2010

A year has passed

Well, tomorrow it will have been a year. I’m not sure what to do. Build an altar for Garrison? Light a candle? I think I’ve written enough, don’t need to do that again just yet. Part of me just wants to climb into a hole and not do anything at all, but that doesn’t seem especially healthy. I had an appointment to go visit Lori on Friday but I didn’t go. I called her husband and got his voicemail. He called me back and I didn’t pick up.

I could write to Lori, but I don’t think I will. I know that she still needs to know that people care about her. I want her to know that. But there’s a mean part of me that just wants to hurt her right now. The other day I fantasized about taking her to a park, just so she could see the kids and be cut to the core. But it doesn’t work that way, does it? And I know it’s not my job to punish her. So for now, I just stay away.

I have a Virgin of Guadalupe candle; maybe I’ll light that and burn her mug shot.

4 comments:

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Steph,
I am sorry the situation is so draining for you.

You are loved.

Bethany said...

what you're feeling makes perfect sense.
so so sad.

Mwa said...

I want to sit with you and the candle.

Petit fleur said...

Love the candle idea.

With you in spirit. This must be so hard.

xoxo m