Thursday, February 25, 2010

cycles go round and time marches on

This week as compared to the one I had four weeks ago has been an interesting study in cycles for me. Once again, the beginning of my period coincided a little too well with the end of the month (when I am flat-ass broke). And, once again, I pretty much lost my shit on Wednesday. Just for the fun of it, I’ll do a little timeline for you. You like those, right? They remind you of history class.


I ALWAYS start my period on Wednesday. It's one of the benefits of The Pill (I think it's a benefit). Reg. U. Lar. I. Ty. It's usually about 10:30 AM, give or take.

Payday is more of a moving target. The last working day of the month. That may be any day Monday through Friday as the months roll along. This configuration that has repeated from last month to this month is just a matter of timing, but there is something about the combination of being broke (a-gain) and hormonal as fuck that is really putting me through the ringer. (As a comparison, next month payday will be a full week after I start my period, and by October/November payday will come first.)

I am hopeful that this is one of those things where being aware helps to mitigate the situation. I have my doubts.

.::.

I've been meaning to address Austin's condition since his surgery. Mostly for myself because I have somehow managed to completely take it for granted how well he is doing now. It's like those few months of fear and misery never happened. Having his adenoids and tonsils removed was a very painful thing for him, but it has been SO VERY worth it. He doesn't snore at all anymore and his night-time breathing is a thousand times better than it was. Thank all that is good in the Universe. Especially my beloved ENT Dr. Lee.

.::.

I did in fact burn a candle for Lori on Tuesday. I wrote her name on one small piece of paper and Garrison's on a second piece of paper. I burned both pieces of paper and said a little prayer for whatever peace they each can find as the smoke rose.

Then I lit a second candle for Garrison. And then I lit a third candle. I don't know if the third was for her husband or her other children or me or all of us, but it seemed necessary at the time. With the candles I put a copy of a book about love that I read to Austin a lot when he was a baby and had recommended to Lori when Garrison was born.

.::.

I think that's it for now. Take care of yourselves out there.

4 comments:

Ms. Moon said...

Lighting candles is making prayers visible. Sending love...M

Mwa said...

I used to get mine on a Monday. A long, long time ago. That worked out well for the weekends. If you're on the pill anyway, you could start it any day you want, really - you just have to move it once.

Petit fleur said...

Hi have 2 small ideas to share with regard to hormonal chaos that have been helpful for me. Tea with Theanine, like Lipton helps with calming and also if you take Omegas or EFAs boost your dose while you are pmsing and anxious. Those may also help some.

I was hoping you'd say that you'd lit a 3rd candle and you did! I don't know why, but it as I was reading, it seemed natural. I'm glad you are making your way with this. That's all any of us can really do. Keep trying.
xoxo pf

Maggie May said...

I love the lighting of candles. It always feels right to me.

And your timeline..is hilarious