Sunday, November 29, 2009

For one moment

I dreamed last night that you called me on the phone. For half a second, I was so happy to hear your voice. Then it all came crashing back. What you did. Where you are. Nothing will ever be the same.

Friday, November 27, 2009


Hope you had a good Thanksgiving too. I, for one, will NOT be shopping today. How 'bout you?

Wednesday, November 25, 2009


One of the two turkeys defrosting in our fridge sprung a leak, leaving turkey blood all over the apples and what not. So the fridge got an unscheduled sanitization this morning. Who’s ready to be a vegetarian? Me. Except I could never give up ham. Oh well, next life I guess.

My husband and I have the Thanksgiving routine down well enough that there’s not really any stressing to do ahead of time. I'll get up tomorrow and cook the cranberries (a super simple recipe with orange juice, sugar and fresh cranberries and it is yummy). Then I get the hell out of the kitchen because Dan is in charge of the turkey and the stuffing and don’t even think about telling him to do it differently. He uses cornbread (I’ll make that tonight) and the giblets and celery and onions and that so-called poultry seasoning stuff. If it were up to me, it would be a sourdough stuffing with apples but I got over that shit about five years ago. Besides, aunt and uncle #1 make that kind for Christmas (BIG GRIN just thinking about it). So anyway, while he gets the stuffing ready (which yes, he does absolutely put it inside the bird) I start moving the living room furniture to make room for the extra tables. Our dining/living room is one big L-shaped space around the kitchen, so we butt two 6-foot folding tables right up to the regular dining table for one 17-foot long last-supper style table. Then one of us will clean the bathroom. It’s probably my turn since he did it for Maya’s party. After the sweaty work is done I’ll take a shower and sit down and watch the Macy’s parade with Maya. That girl is obsessed with parades.

The pecan and pumpkin pies are already made and bought, respectively, there are wheat and white rolls, my mom is bringing green beans, grandma brings sweet potatoes (or are they yams?), aunt and uncle #4 bring wine, mother-in-law’s sister is bringing apple pie just because we need to have 3 kinds of pie, oh, and grandma brings ice cream to go with it. Grandma asked me what she could bring, and I told her the same two things I tell her every year… sweet potatoes and ice cream. Then I asked her if she hates me and she said no, she loves me (anyway). I told her about the pecan pie being ready for her and that 89 year-old woman made a sound like a little girl getting a dollhouse or a pony or something. Cracked me up.

When the turkeys are about ready and the table is set, people start to show up. I get to cleaning and cooking potatoes to mash, and when the mashed potatoes are done, I get the hell out of the kitchen again so Dan can do the gravy. Again, he does it the way he wants it and everyone just better stay the hell out of his way. He and I both have some control issues. Don’t mess with my dishwasher, just let me load it.

Then I’ll drink too much wine during dinner and get dizzy when it’s time to clean the kitchen. The dishwasher will be running and the folding tables will be put away by 8:00*.

We make a pretty good team.

*If that sounds early to be done and cleaned up, you should know that my family is afraid of the dark or something. Everyone but my cousin Dave will be gone by 5:00 or so.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Los Straitjackets

For your viewing pleasure.

Friday, November 20, 2009

portrait of a girl and her bike

Sorry about the shit quality of the photo. Of course the one time I get her to slow down for a pic I have the damn camera on the wrong setting. She looks proud though, yes?

And... Dimples!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

I Got a Feeling

You gotta admit, you have a decent job when you get called into your boss' office, and it's not because you're in trouble, but because she thinks you need to watch this:

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Tell Your Mama

I'm not trying to tell anyone one anything here, I just think these lyrics are funny...

I won't cry for you
when the night grows long
and I won't lie for you
because you done me wrong
so tell your mama
I said hello
and that she raised you
too damn slow
you're too damn slow
too damn slow

because I've been waiting
for your time
and I've been missing
out on mine
so tell your father
that I said so long
and thanks for raising you
so damn wrong
you are so damn wrong
you're so damn wrong, so damn wrong.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

it was a success

Well, it's been 24 hours since Maya's party and given another 24 I may just recover. We sent out 20 invites and had about 15 kids there ranging in age from 4 to 14 plus a few parents and grandparents. The invites said we would do karaoke and play wii, and boy did we.

Early Saturday, we cleaned and decorated, fixed food, and waited patiently to see if there would be a decent turn out.

The custom sign shown below is from Oriental Trading Co and helped folks find the house.

It took a little bit for the kids to warm up with the karaoke, they wanted to play wii first. And the madness when it was time to open presents was, well, madness.

Maya is just left of frame here.

Overall, the party was a huge success, and I know why we've gone to amusement parks for her last 3 birthdays.

I'm too tired for a birth story. I'm just glad she gave me one. As exhausting as that party was, those kids are freaking awesome, and I'm glad to know them.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Show Me

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

switching gears

Look what I bought for you know who:

It's a pink cruiser from Target. It's soooo pretty in person. And so big! I took it up to my mom's house to hide it, and there in the garage was Maya's first 2-wheeler and it is so tiny. I need to take a picture of the two bikes together for comparison. And then I will cry cuz my little girl is all growed up.

Also, I think after all the holiday crap blows over I will be getting this trike because, you know.

felled often

I didn’t really understand how much I relied on her until last week. I knew I missed her all these months. (It’s been nearly nine months since she was arrested for killing her own son and that seems… noteworthy, that it has been nearly the same amount of time as gestation.) But being aware of missing her and needing her friendship are two different things. Last week I suddenly felt like a compass that couldn’t find north and was left spinning.

I still choke on the word murder. I check on her nearly everyday online. Our county sheriff’s website has an inmate information system. I can see if she’s been moved, when her next court date is, etc. Without saying so, I am checking to see if she is still alive. And every time I go there, I am struck anew by those words.


And I ask again, how did this happen? And again, still, there is no answer.

I'm sorry to come back from my blog hiatus with this. It's a heartbreaking thing that I try to stay away from. But there many things about watching Austin recover from surgery that triggered these emotions for me.