What the Hell is Heaven

I’ve spent most of the day trying to turn back time. Thinking back to when we would walk and talk together. Talking about anything and everything. Listening to songs we shared. Remembering her loud laughter.

I always thought she and I were on the same road, spiritually and emotionally speaking. If not on the same road, then at least on the same map. That scares me a little now.

Mostly I just think about what she’s lost. Last night my extended family went out for a nice dinner to celebrate my mother’s 60th birthday. At one point I had to take Austin outside to change his diaper in the car. Walking him back into the restaurant I found myself thinking that Lori will never have this kind of moment again. Out at a restaurant on a nice night, with loved ones. With her little boy that she adored so completely.

The news showed some footage of her in the courtroom yesterday afternoon. At one point she looked straight into the camera. I wished she could feel me looking back at her. Hoping everything’s not lost.

Sister Lost Soul

A dear friend of mine has been arrested and charged with violently killing her 17-month old son [news story].

Of course I can’t even begin to understand why it happened. Her husband has given many interviews to the press, and I spoke to him directly on the phone last night. He answered all the questions I asked, but still, it is impossible to ingest.

What I want people to know is what a good friend she has been to me, through many ups and downs. And there is no doubt in my mind that she loved that baby with every bit of her heart and soul. I don’t know what it was, but something went terribly wrong.

Let it never be said that I am not a creature of habit.

TODAY's fortune cookie reads:

NEXT SUMMER, YOU WILL DANCE TO A DIFFERENT BEAT.

When I got this fortune on SUNDAY, I thought it fit into the lame-to-stupid end of the fortune cookie spectrum. When I got the SAME FORTUNE AGAIN TODAY I thought, wow even if you don't buy into this crap, the idea of getting the same presumably random fortune twice is kind of weird. I mean even if they only randomized 20 or so fortunes, the idea that I would get the same one at all, much less on the VERY NEXT VISIT, seems fairly unlikely.

I read that fortune only moments after finishing the same panda bowl I order every time. Right before refilling my sixth Arnold Palmer since Friday. Mere moments before driving over to Lane Bryant to replace the panties I've had prior to and since my now two-year-old son's conception, with the exact same style of panties, sans holes. [They have leg holes of course, just no worn out spots.]

Maybe I should pay a little more attention to that fortune.

When did this become a food blog?

My first CLIF bar came out of a vending machine at my husband's doctor's office. It was a Chocolate Chip Peanut Crunch. I was intrigued by the little man dangling precariously off the, ahem, cliff. Those CCPCs quickly became a favorite snack and quick pick-me-up. I affectionately referred to them as turds in wrappers because, well...

And then came the peanut scare of early '09 and the CCPCs were pulled off the shelf as part of a voluntary recall. I had to find an alternative flavor, one without peanuts. Weirdly, the plain chocolate ones don't "do it" for me. But the Cool Mint Chocolate? Oh mah heavens. That is somethin special. AND they look significantly less turd-like.

I actually order them in bulk from Amazon. I know. Sad.

Now obviously, if you aren't a fan of mint these won't tickle your fancy, but if you are, watch out... you've got a new addiction to fight.

Unfortunately for me, my kids are equally as enamored with CLIF bars as I am and they won't keep their grubby hands off of them.

Something I find interesting about CLIF bars is that these are targeted for men, and the same company's Luna bars are targeted for women. Now, maybe I just haven't found the right Luna bar yet, but I have yet to be impressed by that product.

Oh, did I mention they have a respectable 5 grams of fiber? Woo to-the Hoo.

Tastes good. Is good.

I have found my happy place, and it be named Chipotle. More specifically, I have found a vegetarian, even vegan, lunch option that is filling, yummy and nutritional. I really, really like the IDEA of being a vegetarian, but as long as I live with and eat with my husband there will be carcass on the table at dinner. Sometimes I can avoid eating the meat portion of whatever we’re eating, but sometimes it is inextricably intertwined with the carb portion of dinner. And me? not eat carbs? Please. That’s just silly. So the next best thing [for me] is to eat as many vegetarian meals as possible.

So anyway, back to that Chipotle lunch. Here’s what I ordered:

Veggie Bol [sic]
Rice - Black Beans - Fajita Veggies - Mild Tomato Salsa - Medium Corn Salsa - Medium Green Salsa - Guacamole - Lettuce

Ordering a bowl means there is no tortilla. The absence of a tortilla is made tolerable by the presence of rice.

Yes, there are no less than three types of salsa listed here AND fajita veggies [onion and bell pepper]. Have the iced tea handy, whoa.

Note that this is sans cheese and sour cream, a real sacrifice for me, but a worthy sacrifice in light of the fact that without those items, total calories are 540, and with sour cream and cheese, total calories are 760. Not a huge difference necessarily, but you know, it adds up.

If I cut out the guacamole it would greatly decrease the fat grams, but I can only sacrifice so much. Plus I believe plant fats aren’t as bad for your ticker as animal fats, and avocados are a real good source of fiber and some other stuff. Speaking of fiber, you know that breakfast I like so much that has 20+ grams of fiber? The order above has 22 grams of fiber.* Holy guacamole Batman!

*All nutrition calculations courtesy of Chipotle Fan.