I’ve spent most of the day trying to turn back time. Thinking back to when we would walk and talk together. Talking about anything and everything. Listening to songs we shared. Remembering her loud laughter.
I always thought she and I were on the same road, spiritually and emotionally speaking. If not on the same road, then at least on the same map. That scares me a little now.
Mostly I just think about what she’s lost. Last night my extended family went out for a nice dinner to celebrate my mother’s 60th birthday. At one point I had to take Austin outside to change his diaper in the car. Walking him back into the restaurant I found myself thinking that Lori will never have this kind of moment again. Out at a restaurant on a nice night, with loved ones. With her little boy that she adored so completely.
The news showed some footage of her in the courtroom yesterday afternoon. At one point she looked straight into the camera. I wished she could feel me looking back at her. Hoping everything’s not lost.