Thursday, May 14, 2009

Tell me, what would you do?

Hypothetically speaking, let’s say you have this good friend. This friend is someone you could talk to about anything, argue with and never ruin the friendship, share common interests, and lean on in times of marital, financial and work related stress over the years. This friend is intense, a little crazy, but funny as hell and smart as anyone you ever met.

Now let’s say that one day you hear some terrible, really terrible, news. Your friend was arrested for murder. The victim? Her own 17-month old son. Her own baby. A baby that wore your own son’s hand-me-downs. And it wasn’t a peaceful death, it was painful and bloody.

Fast forward almost 3 months. You’ve been struggling to understand what happened. You actually still love your friend because she was such a good friend to you through so many of life’s ups and downs. One day, you get a call from her defense team. Do you help defend her?


Ms. Moon said...


Frances said...

First, I've read some posts about this on your previous blog about this situation and I cannot begin to fathom the torment this situation has brought into your life. It's just absolutely horrible!

So here goes nothing...Standing on the outside, Never coming close the shoes you are wearing. Here is my two cents. If my heart told me this action was infact done by this person, While I would certainly feel that the action was not the action of the friend I loved (but rather a VERY unhealthy person). I don't think I could stand up and defend her. I would find ways to support her, but I couldn't defend her action.

All This Trouble... said...

Follow your heart. I imagine they would use your testimony or sworn statement to establish her past actions, mind-frame, character etc. I do not believe they would expect anything from you as far as the actual event. This happened with my husband and a woman he'd lived with for seven yrs. Her 5 month old recevied a head injury and died while in her and the father's care. Luckily, he never had to go to court and the evidence showed she was not involved. The father had the baby in the house alone when the event took place and she was not formally charged. Like I said, I'd try to follow my heart. What you feel in your gut is the right thing to do.

Bobbie Leigh said...

Ok, so I just deleted my first comment because I don't know what to say. So as generic as this sounds, I'm going to agree with All This Trouble and tell you to follow your heart. I can't imagine what you and the family of this friend is going through.

Cat said...

For me, it would depend on what they were asking me to do. I like to think I'd be willing to stand before a court and tell them about my wonderful friendship. But then again, I'd be cross-examined and I don't know if I could live with the honesty that would require, revealing the good and the bad about my friend. Some things are sacred.

I really don't think there is a clear choice here, Steph. Do what you feel is right for you, not your friend. She's made her choices. You can't change them, you can only make your own now. Do what will give you the most peace in this heartbreaking situation.


rachelbk said...

I occasionally have to testify in court about clients I've worked with for years, and it's so hard, I can't imagine doing it if my friend was the one on trial.
You have to decide what you want for the future of the relationship and go from there. Do you want to try to remain her friend, or are you okay with ending all contact?
Do you think she was mentally ill when she committed this act? Would your testimony assist in getting the help she needs?
I'm so sorry you are in this position. It's horrible. I don't know if there is a 'good' or 'right' answer.

Steph said...

I keep trying to respond to comments here, but I have trouble knowing how much to say... so I'll just say "thank you."

Lady Lemon said...

Wow. I had no idea that you were dealing with this. What a terrible and painful situation, all around.

I wish I had some magical advice, but I don't. I would just have to go with the others and say do what you feel is right.

Damn. I'm just so sorry for you and your friend.