Monday, May 11, 2009

Looking forward to menopause

Sometime last night I was ready to tell my husband “it’s me or her; your mother must GO!” But this morning I reached for my trusty birth control pills, noticed that I am exactly a week and half away from starting my period, said “oh… right,” and felt my shoulders drop. Yes, a week and half of PMS is my norm. And for whatever reason, it’s my MIL with her head on the block this time around. Lucky her.

A week and a half of PMS in spite of Yasmin AND Prozac (prescribed for PMDD). Holy fuck, can you imagine if I wasn’t medicated?

Don’t get me wrong, my MIL ain’t perfect. The things that bother me about her are exactly the qualities in my husband that I tolerate more than love. And maybe, just maybe, she and I are a little bit alike sometimes. It’s not totally unheard of for men to marry women that allow them to reenact behaviors they learned in their youth. The thing is, there can only be one Alpha Bitch. And that, my friends, is me. Period.

8 comments:

Ms. Moon said...

Well, that IS one thing about menopause which is good- no PMS. But let me say that every time a hot flash starts up, I feel temporarily insane for about twenty seconds. And I have dozens of hot flashes a day, so...
Yesterday I was trying to do something and my daughter and husband were talking and I almost yelled at them to "shut the fuck up!" I did say, politely, I thought..."You're making so much noise."
And then said, "I'm sorry. I'm just about to have a hot flash."
But at least I am the alpha bitch, menopause or not. They fell all over themselves trying to find me a fan.

Steph said...

You doubt my status Ms. Moon?

The title is half serious and half sarcastic... I imagine it will be a bumpy ride.

GraceD said...

One Alpha Bitch per household, that should not be hard for a guy to comprehend.

I stand in solidarity with you, Sister Alpha Bitch.

Steph said...

Is that *the* GraceD?

I will be enlightening the hubs at a pace that is appropriate for him. ;)

Ms. Moon said...

Not for a moment! I know you MUST be the Alpha Bitch! It's funny how age does give you certain perks. I have no idea why, but thank god because they are few and far between. For example: Brad Pitt is never going to put the moves on me. Ever.
I still have hopes for Johnny Depp though. Really.

Steph said...

Oh, Ms. Moon I would MUCH prefer Johnny Depp!

Bobbie Leigh said...

Amen!! I agree with "men marrying women like their mothers"- except I'm not short and Chinese/Hawaiian. I'm just a fat white lady that likes to nag.

Steph said...

Bobbie Leigh I do believe we may be long lost sisters.