Wednesday, May 20, 2009

It's a rich man's world

I was inspired by something I read today to confess a problem I have. I am addicted to spending money. Not necessarily a lot of money, just everything I have. This month I thought I had myself tricked. I decided to pay all the bills [like I always do] and then empty out the checking account and give the cash to my husband to hang on to so I wouldn’t spend it. I still found ways. Again, not big things… two used DVDs from Amazon [$5 and $7 with shipping], jade earrings from Etsy [$7 with shipping], around 10 songs downloaded as MP3s [$1 each], and the biggest purchase… five pocket buddhas [$3 a piece, $22 total with shipping]. I actually talked to my husband about the buddhas before buying them, that was supposed to be my one non-essential purchase for the month [a SELF-imposed limit] but I still ordered the DVDs and earrings in secret after that.

Now the checking account is overdrawn, the cash is essentially gone [mostly on groceries] and I have $2 in my wallet. And I find I am arguing with myself about that $2. I want to go to my favorite store that sells all sorts of self-help and spiritual goodies and buy a wrist mala. I think they are pretty cheap there, and I bet they have one that would match my jade earrings.

To which, I say to myself “what the fuck, Steph? Really, you want to make a special trip 10 miles away to spend the last $2 you have. And really, they are cheap, but I don’t think they are THAT cheap. WHAT. THE. FUCK.”

To be continued... when I figure out how to freaking control myself.


And before you say "that was only about $50, don't be too hard on yourself," there is no such thing as ONLY $50 when you find yourself COMPLETELY tapped with 9 days to go until payday. There is gas in the car and food in the freezer, but still, COMPLETELY. FUCKING. TAPPED.


Crap! I forgot about the panda salt and pepper shakers [$15 with shipping]. I don't even use salt!


Ms. Moon said...

Hmmm. I completely understand.

Steph said...

Ms. Moon I think I'm losing my shit.

Frances said...

My problem is that I will spend all our extra green on small stuff very trivial stuff. Yet I will have an anxiety attack when it comes to buying something over $30.

Steph said...

Frances if I could just train myself to have an anxiety attack when I spend 30 CENTS I'd be aces.

Lady Lemon said...

Dude, yessss. I have this problem, too. Recently my boyfriend took on a better paying job, and now that we have enough money to make the ends meet (something we struggled with so hard, for so long) it seems that we are both finding ways to make that cushion disappear! (Hey, it sounds like at least your hubby can be trusted. My boyfriend is worse than me!!)

What is this tendency to shoot oneself in the foot?

Steph said...

Lady Lemon, a wise man once told me that you can always use another thousand a month.