Thursday, March 12, 2009

I can't find a good song title to steal for this one

I would very much like to think about something ELSE now, thank you. I had some quiet time yesterday and I wanted to sleep because this time change is KICKING MY ASS. But sleep wouldn’t come. It surprises me how many things in my house make me think of her. And closing my eyes seemed to be out of the question.

I know, a book! I’ll read a book. Something that has nothing to do with yoga, music, toddlers, husbands, daughters, sons, mothers, pooping, walking, sex, work, death, bankruptcy. [Anything else I can’t think about?] My newest interest is Gypsies. But we’re supposed to call them Romani now. So here I am three chapters into this great book when the author starts talking about morality. Oh, hello. Seriously, all these thoughts need to go the fuck away.

My husband thinks I’m taking it too hard. I see where he’s coming from, but I can’t help it. EVERYTHING makes me think of her. E-VER-Y-THIIIINGG

6 comments:

Kristen said...

Is it really so bad that everything makes you think of her? You are grieving for many things...the loss of a sweet little innocent boy so much like your own, the loss of a friend, the loss of friendship (yes I distinguish them as different...because there is just so much to both that they need to be two things), and the loss of your own innocence in a way. You are experiencing horror first-hand. I think it would be weird if you DIDN'T think about it all the time! It will eventually stop being something you focus on all the time to something that you think about often and eventually to something you only think about some of the time. It is part of the process of healing.

Maggie May said...

There is such a comforting book. It's called The Big House by george colt.

i hope you take good care of you.

Steph said...

Kristen - Good point, thanks :)

Maggie - I'll check it out :)

Cat said...

I can understand wanting a break from the horror, though. The thing that works best for me (never perfectly, mind you, but works well) is to watch a movie - either at home or, better yet, in the theatre. A comedy that will make you laugh. An action that will keep your mind riveted. Even a tradgedy that will get out some tears of relief, but still keeps your mind on the plot.

Movies have often provided me with a desperately needed 2 hour break from my own thoughts.

XO

Steph said...

Cat - Have you seen Bubble Boy?

Cat said...

i havent seen that, no