Thursday, January 22, 2009

The Fat: an abbreviated timeline

At 18 years old I was comfortable in a size 14. I wasn’t proud of it, but I didn’t hate myself either. I got pregnant with my daughter that year and ate myself stupid all the way through that pregnancy, mostly out of fear absolute terror at the thought of being a mother before I could possibly be ready. In the 10 years that followed her birth, my weight went down and up, up and down, depending greatly on my stress levels and ability to cope.

Immediately prior to my second pregnancy, I weighed 268 pounds. [Wow. That’s hard to look at.] In an effort to get healthier FOR THE BABY [nevermind my own health] I lost 14 pounds in my first trimester without really even trying very hard. By the end of that pregnancy, my net gain was about 6 pounds. Not too shabby. After my son’s birth in June 2006 I was very gung-ho about getting healthy. I used a recumbent bike, walked on my breaks at work and even climbed up and down the bleachers on campus. I stayed away from soda [Mt. Dew is the bane of my existence].

I got down to 220 before the bottom fell out. I had a nervous breakdown [that will NEVER be discussed in detail here], started taking Prozac, started taking online classes, went on vacation and broke my foot, went on another vacation, took more classes, and my husband was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis.

Between my husband’s illness and my own overall busy-ness, I got out of the routine of exercising. And for me it has to be a routine. I dove into a daily ice cream habit. And then I got into a daily Mt. Dew habit. By the end of 2008 I was up to 275 pounds. More than I weighed at 40 weeks pregnant with my son. Holy shit.

So far in 2009 I have exercised at least once a day, six days a week. I’ve stopped doing the Dew [except for one lapse]. I’ve had ice cream only once [my grandpa’s 90th birthday]. I drink water and unsweetened tea. I eat a CLIF bar when I feel that chocolate craving coming on. I get plenty of fiber and actually like fruits and vegetables. While I’m not officially limiting my calories, I am being careful that the calories I do eat are good ones.

Want to know how much I’ve lost? Not a damn pound. I’m doing essentially the same thing I did in late 2005 and 2006 but with no results. So either my scale is broken or I am. I made an appointment with my doctor in early February. Hopefully he won’t laugh or roll his eyes when I ask him to check my thyroid.


Elizabeth said...

The weight thing is so hard. I don't know how old you are, but the closer you are to age forty the more difficult it is to "change" your metabolism. I never had a weight problem and found myself holding on to it more and more as the years went by. And after age 40 forget about the easiness of dropping ten pounds or so just by "dieting." I really believe that chronic stress changes one's metabolism in such a way that it's difficult to lose it. Something about cortisol, lack of sleep, etc. I wish you luck in figuring out what's happening --

Steph said...

I'm ____ 31. Only? Already?

Kristen said...

I SOOOO feel ya!!!

Maggie May said...

the thyroid thing is very common. i have hypothyroidism and have been on meds for years.

you can really mess your thyroid up somewhat easily. chronic intense stress damages your thyroid because you are constantly producing too much testosterone and cortisol.

i hope you find out what's up.

Anonymous said...

You may actually be starving yourself. Eat something every three hours for a week and see what happens. Focus on protein and fiber and low on the carbs. That's all. Try it for a week (and drink 64ozs of fluid).